RATING: General
TYPE: Work In Progress
GENRE: Humor? Or the simple result of too many late night caffine-induced deleriums?
SUMMARY: Alec smacked his hand against his head. Ooh yeah. This was kinky - just the wrong kind. A prickle of nervous apprehension slid down his spine as the realisation of OC’s payment dawned on him. He had truly been outfoxed....
A/N: It all started one night, about the usual hour of 3am, when Sorrow and Enigma were online discussing their stories. And what did they come across, but a link to a song that would inspire a cunning plan to kidnap.. um, write a sordid little tale (thankyou Fergus for bringing this source of inspiration to our twisted little minds). Here's part one of their two part tale...
A Sordid Little Tale
By Sorrow Reminisce & Enigma
“You’re on."
Alec knocked his knuckles on the table, gave Original Cindy a cocky grin and moved toward the pool table. OC sat back and lent against the railing behind her, a satisfied smile moving across her face. There was no way he was going to win this bet.
Max walked onto the platform where OC sat and placed a pitcher of beer on the table. She took a seat, looked at Cindy and then to the direction OC was staring. Why was Cindy staring at Alec with such a smug grin?
“Why are you staring at Alec with such a smug grin?" Max had to know. “Please tell me you are not changing camps for that?"
“Original Cindy is changing camps for no boy sugar, even if he is a fine specimen like ya boy there."
“He’s not my boy."
Cindy rolled her eyes and slowly looked at Max. “And have we explained this to Logan yet?"
Max fell into silence and looked down at the floor. “It’s complicated."
“Whatever boo." Cindy returned her gaze to Alec. “But just watch."
“Watch what?" Sketchy came bounding haphazardly to the table and flung himself down on a chair.
“Alec makin’ a fool of himself." Cindy smiled at the thought as she saw Max’s head shoot up from the ground.
“Well if you’d told me that before."
A smile moved across Max’s face and she mirrored Cindy’s position on the opposite side of the table. Back against the railing, satisfied grin. Sketchy looked at the two girls slightly confused. He then looked in the direction they were staring and saw Alec playing pool with a very attractive blonde girl.
“Hmmm. Nice view."
“Yes Sketch it is." Cindy laughed quietly to herself.
“You’ve got a bet going?" It was more of a question then a statement, but Max knew her roommate all too well.
“That I do Boo." The smile on OC’s face got wider.
Sketchy turned still confused, “So what did you bet?"
“That he couldn’t pick up that fine lady he’s playin’ pool with."
“You kidding right?" Sketchy couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What, you want to give your money away or something? This is Alec you know?"
“Sketch my boy, I do know. I also know that girl." She looked at Max who was smiling back at her. “I know her very well."
“Vixen." Max was so proud of her friend. It would be a delight to see Alec get knocked back for a night of…Max didn’t even want to think what it was he did with the ladies. All she could hear in her mind was ‘We’re breeding partners" and “Take off your clothes." Oh, the romance!
The three Jam Pony messengers sat back and happily watched the scene playing out before them.
Alec was putting on all the suave moves. He would move past the girl before taking his shot, just close enough to brush her side. He’d take just that little bit longer to line up his cue, attempting to ooze sex appeal as he put on his thinking face. And of course he’d stick his butt out, just that little bit further then usual. He knew that one was a winner.
The girls chuckled as they watched his obvious attempts to woo the girl. Max laughed at the thought. Alec couldn’t woo a cat out of a paper bag. He’d just hit it on the head and drag it back to his cave!
“So whadidya bet?" Sketchy asked the question, without taking his eyes off the scene.
“Original Cindy has not yet informed the boy of his debt, but let her assure you that it will be the single most satisfyin’ collection she ever made."
Sketchy turned to OC, eyebrows raised high on his forehead.
“Not that fool!" OC slapped him across the head.
“Then what?" Sketchy rubbed the back of his skull.
“All in good time Sketch. All in good time."
Cindy’s smile widened further as she saw Alec lean in to the blonde’s ear and whisper what she could only imagine being a come on. She looked over at Max as she too surveyed the scene, smile wide but her eyes telling a slightly different story. An almost jealous tale. OC would slot that moment into the memory banks for later discussion.
Cindy returned her attention to Alec and the bet. She watched closely as the blonde leant into Alec and returned a whisper. His smirk grew large and his eyes revealing what he thought to be a win. The blonde girl's hand pressed against his chest and he watched it sit there, skin leaning on cotton, leaning on skin. As Cindy’s smile grew, Alec’s faded as the girl's hand began to push him away. She moved an arm length away, waved and left. Alec was stunned. He turned to see his three so called friends laughing. At him.
He strolled across to the table, hands in his pockets.
“You knew that would happen didn’t you?" Alec’s voice was low and quiet.
“What’s the matter Alec? Get knocked back by someone who would prefer to take me home?" Max couldn’t help herself.
“I’m not into Logan, Max." Alec shot her a quick dismissive grin. He then returned his gaze to OC. “Well?"
“Well what?" Original Cindy thought this could be fun.
“You’ve met her before!"
“Original Cindy has never been formally introduced to the girl." She gave Alec a ‘matter of fact’ look.
“But you said you knew her very well." Poor Sketchy, always two steps behind.
OC rolled her eyes. “So maybe Original Cindy had intimate relations with the girl, but who was to know if she could resist your charm?"
“You were." Alec’s answer was short and simple.
“Oh, you’re just trying to weasel out of losing the bet." Max finally chirped up again.
“What kind of bet is it if there’s not a fifty/fifty chance that either party could win?" Alec scrunched his shoulders and raised his palms in innocence. He also raised the pitch of his voice as he glanced at Max.
“You’ve got to be kidding me." Max snickered at the comment. “Two words Alec. Monty Cora!"
Max rose from her chair and stood just inches away from Alec. Hands moving to her hips, eyebrows raised, lips pursed and hair ready to be flung. Alec couldn’t help it. He burst into laughter. Max scrunched her face.
“What are you laughing at?"
“I’m sorry Max," Alec held his hands out in front of him and tried to stop his laughter. “It’s just…the attitude! I’m just waiting for you to raise a hand for me to talk to."
“How about I raise one to shut you up?" Max drew her hand back in a fist, ready to connect it with his face.
“Ooh! Down girl!" Alec stopped laughing, but his face still held the remains of a cocky smirk. “Geeze Max, what’s the matter? Not getting any?"
Alec was ready for the fist he received to the shoulder. Heck, the day was incomplete without one.
“Would you two stop with the catty cat ways?!" OC stood between them. She pushed Max back and turned to Alec. She pulled a piece of paper from the side of her bra and handed it to him.
“Hmmm. Kinky." Alec bounced his eyebrows a couple of times. “What is it?"
“Those are directions of where you’re to go tomorrow night." Cindy pointed a finger to his chest.
“So is it kinky?" Alec wore his trademark grin.
“Okay who is it that isn’t getting any?" OC looked between her two transgenic friends. “Maybe you two should iron out your kinks together?"
Original Cindy could not help herself, nor could she help laughing at the horrified look on both their faces or their collective snorts at the idea.
“He wishes!"
“She wishes!"
They spoke in unison, looked at one another, then swiftly turned away. Cindy just continued to laugh, Sketchy now joining in.
“Just be at that address tomorrow night at ten." Cindy spoke with a ‘no further discussion’ tone to her voice. “We’ll meet you there. I’m callin’ it a night. You comin’ Boo?"
Max nodded and grabbed her coat. She made sure to knock into Alec’s shoulder as she moved toward the door and into the night.
Alec stood and watched her leave, shaking his head at her lame attempt to cop a feel. All she had to do was ask.
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Alec groaned as he stepped through the doorway and stared into the room before him. Here lay the conclusion to half a night’s worth of trying to figure out Original Cindy’s scribble - and the source of those torturous sounds he’d been hearing upon his approach. (And here he had thought it was simply someone being murdered in a back alley. If only.)
Little wonder the bartender at Crash had laughed when asked if he knew the place. Initially Alec was astounded. Why would he laugh? After all, the only intelligible thing Cindy had written was the word ‘Kinky’ - how could that be a bad thing? He decided the barman must have read the paper upside down - it was an easy mistake to make with OC‘s handwriting.
Alec smacked his hand against his head. Ooh yeah. This was kinky - just the wrong kind. A prickle of nervous apprehension slid down his spine as the realisation of OC’s payment dawned on him. He had truly been outfoxed.
Alec couldn’t bear to take that final step over the threshold and into the arms of impending doom. Manticore had ways of making you scream, but this was a sheer assault on his dignity unlike any he’d ever faced before. Never in his little word association game could he have come up with this.
No, he’d pay his debt to OC in some other humiliating manner - drop to his knees before Normal in the middle of Jam Pony and declare his undying love perhaps. But not this - never this. He took a step back, already preparing a cunning excuse for her inside his devious mind.
“Going somewhere Alec?"
He jumped at the voice and spun around to encounter Jiminy Cricket standing with her hands on her hips and a stern expression on her face. Behind her in a similar pose stood the instigator of this charade, Medusa - with her scary mass of hair and fiery stare capable of turning any foolhardy man into stone.
Both stood on the pavement waiting expectantly for some kind of explanation as to why Alec was obviously about to beat a hasty retreat. Now would be a good time for him to deliver that cunning excuse…
“Hell no girls! Just stepping back to admire the sign."
He grinned in what he hoped was a devilishly convincing manner and walked over to stand between them, slinging his arms around their shoulders and indicating towards the board above the doorway that read “Kinky’s".
“Would someone like to tell me where the ’s’ went to on this scrap of paper here?" He let go of OC so he could take the directions out of his cargo pocket and waved the note in front of her face. “I was expecting something… different."
“Oh please!" She waved his hand away, “You lost the bet remember?"
He grimaced and rubbed his hand across his throat, “Well ladies, I’m sorry to disappoint, but uh… I appear to have developed acute pharyngitis. Perhaps I could write an IOU?"
“Whatever." OC looked over to Max who was busy trying to remove Alec’s unwanted limb from around her neck. “I think hot boy here is trying to wriggle his way out of following through on his payment - yet again."
“Yeah well, I’d live with that if I could just wriggle my way out from under hot boy’s arm." Max twisted her shoulders and smacked at his chest, but to little avail.
“Oh you can’t fool me Maxie - I know you enjoy any excuse to get close to me - uuumph!"
Alec’s release of Max was sudden as he crumbled to the ground, clutching his pride and joy. “Holy shit Max! Leave the sterilisation to McKinley! He‘d be kinder…"
Max bit back the smile that had begun to crack her face at his wounded expression, it was a low-blow, she had to admit. But damn, it was amusing. “Come on Mr Hot Shot, it’s time for you to strut your stuff."
She shoved him towards the doorway and forced him unwillingly inside the room he’d tried so recently to escape.
“Can we make it double or nothing?"
“Shut up!"
It was futile to try and argue with this pair of masochists. Anyone would think Cindy had been a drill instructor at Manticore the way she seemed to enjoy making him suffer at this moment. And as for Max… She would never ever let him live this down.
Why is Karma always using me as it’s inflatable doll? Alec drooped his shoulder’s in defeat and allowed himself to be herded to a spare table, close enough to the medieval torture device he would soon be hooked up to, to make his skin crawl.
“So who’s for a beer?" OC eyes were on a leggy blonde who sat at the bar.
“I’ll have a double scotch." Somehow, Alec felt that wouldn’t be enough to dull the pain. “With a splash of cyanide for added zest."
“Hey why not? We’ve got some time to kill before the party starts."
Max’s voice, close to his ear and surprisingly chirpy, caused Alec to jump. God he was edgy tonight. He looked up from his feet and realised by the large grin that adorned her face, she too had noticed his reaction.
“What’s the matter?" Max’s smile deepened as she picked up on the chance to taunt him. “Scared?"
‘Hell no! I can‘t wait to get this show on the road!" Alec forced a grin, conjuring the look of a carefree easy-going man as he leant close to her ear and whispered, “Perhaps I could teach you one or two things from this experience…"
“Yeah - teach me how to fine tune my senses so I can block out the sound of your voice!" Max grimaced and pushed his face away before rising from her seat and heading with Cindy towards the bar.
“Hey Alec, hear you’re gonna be the star attraction tonight?"
Alec turned to encounter one of his Jam Pony co-workers, Stephanie… Lucy… Monique… something like that.
“I’m the star attraction every night babe." He softened his face with a sultry pout - all the better to enhance his full lips - as he allowed his voice to become low and husky. “You wanna go somewhere and find that out for yourself?"
The girl flashed him a smile, but it was tight lipped and icy cold. “Why - so you can tell me I’m a unique creature unlike any other? I’m sorry, but like many other‘s before me, I‘ve heard that line already. Or don‘t you remember?"
“Oh. Yeah, yeah I remember…" Actually, he had no idea. “But hey, my character has developed and strengthened greatly since then. I‘m like a whole new man now!"
“Save it for the next one, I’m just here to watch you fall on your ass."
Alec gulped. Then he spotted Max as she approached them, a strange expression shadowing her face, and he gulped louder.
“Hey, Little Suki. How’s it going?" Max sat down at her stool, pulling it a little closer to Alec as she did so. “Looking forward to seeing my boy be made the fool?"
Max spoke in an upbeat tone but her face held a warning that the girl understood loud and clear. Back off. “Uh, yeah. Just came to wish him luck. Well I’ll catch ya later."
As the girl disappeared back into the ever-increasing crowd (filled with many a familiar face, Alec couldn’t help but grimly observe), he turned to Max. “Since when did I become your boy?"
“Your not!" Max’s retort was a little too loud, even to her own ears. “I simply felt it was time once again to dig your ass out of your own shit. What better way to get rid of an unwelcome pest?"
Max nearly choked on her own words. Is that why she had allowed Logan to believe she was kickin’ it with Alec - because he was an unwelcome pest?
“But who says she was unwelcome Max? How do you know I wasn’t lining her up for a night of long hot monkey sex ‘til you came along and blew it for me?"
Max blushed as she looked down at the ground. She hadn’t actually considered that - had she? No, she had thought only of… how Logan would react if he walked in to find her supposed ‘boyfriend’ chatting up the ladies. But she could hardly tell Alec this - could she?
Suddenly the room exploded into cheers and applause as a man’s voice rang out over a microphone. “And now we have our next performance by our very own Russell Crowe… ladies and gents, give it up for Reagan Ronald!"
The awkward silence between Alec and Max was forgotten as both heads spun towards the stage. Max’s surprised expression turned to amusement at the sight of a familiar figure standing on the platform dressed as…
A gladiator. Alec shrank back in his seat as his horrified stare collided with the adoring gaze of none other than his number one fan. Normal.
“Looks like he’s living the dream." Sniggered Cindy, who had finished exchanging numbers with the blonde and rejoined her two friends at the table.
Normal‘s face was alight with fanatical joy as he smiled at Alec and spoke into the microphone, “This one’s for you Monty Cora."
Oh God help me… Alec tried to move from his seat and escape, but a hand snaked out and grabbed his wrist, holding him in place. He turned to Max, pleading for release from this torment, but she merely smiled wickedly and shook her head.
As the contraption to the right of stage kicked into life and music began to play from its speakers, Alec could only sit and stare helplessly as Normal, in earnest, and with his heart in his eyes… began to sing.
Body...wanna feel my body? Body...such a thrill my body Body...wanna touch my body? Body...it's too much my body
The night had only just begun.
Check it out my body body. Don't you doubt my body body. talkin' bout my body body check it out my body
Alec turned to the bar.
“Bar keep!!!!"
Every man wants to be a macho macho man to have the kind of body always in demand Jogging in the mornings go man go works out in the health spa muscles glow You can best believe that he's a macho man ready to get down with, anyone he can
His eyes grew wider as he heard Normal’s words.
“Another Scotch! And bring the bottle!"
He watched as Normal started swinging his ass across the stage.
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Macho, macho man I've got to be, a macho man…
“Make that two bottles!"
You can tell a macho, he has a funky walk his western shirts and leather, always look so boss Funky with his body, he's a king call him MONTY CORA, dig his shorts You can best believe that, he's a macho man…
Alec’s heart leapt into his throat as Normal moved dangerously near. He quickly grabbed Max from her seat and sat her on his lap.
“Protect me Max! Please!"
She had never heard such a little boys plea before. She couldn’t help but pout her lips and grab Alec’s cheeks.
“Oh what’s da matter?" She put on her best baby voice. “Normal scaring poor Alecky Walecky?"
Just to step up the tease, Max pulled Alec’s face in and rubbed her nose against his.
A fitting sight for Logan to see as he entered the club.
Logan’s body filled with fury as he saw the scene play out before him. Why had she asked him to come tonight if she was going to flaunt her new relationship in his face? Did she actually invite him there? Or had he just gotten wind of the evenings plans and formed the invite in his head?
“Logan buddy!" Sketchy’s arm came around his shoulder. “I didn’t know you were coming tonight!"
“Well hey - I was invited!" Logan puffed up in indignation, aware that he had perhaps been a little too defensive in his reply.
“Yeah well, whatever buddy… Just got here myself. Think I’ll go and uh, join the fun company." And with that Sketchy bounded off into the crowd towards the table where Alec was busy using Max to fend off Normal.
After some deliberation, Logan followed. But unlike Sketchy, his steps were measured by logic and revenge.
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“Look at him Max! Doesn’t that scare you!" Alec moved up to Max’s ear. “He’s wearing a Gladiator outfit!"
Ugh! Macho..baby! Body, body, body wanna feel my body, Body, body, body gonna thrill my body…
She couldn’t help but throw her head back in laughter, causing Alec’s hands to have to hold her body in place. Strangely, she didn’t seem too concerned by this, being that she was obviously having too much fun laughing at him to notice.
Macho, macho man I've got to be, a macho man…
“Check it out, looks like my boo’s finally got herself a real man." OC laughed as Sketchy came up to stand beside her and motioned towards the two transgenics.
Normal was now trying to push Max off Alec’s knee so he could take her place, and Alec in turn, was holding onto her for dear life.
“Well the threesome appear to be enjoying themselves." Sketchy broad smile was suddenly wiped off his face as Cindy smacked across the head.
“What the hell was that for!" Sketchy stepped back from his friend, his fear for PMSing woman obvious.
“Your choice of wording fool!" Cindy clutched her stomach, hoping the sick feeling would pass. “Never ever speak of my boo, Alec and Normal being party to a threesome!"
Sketchy thought back on his comment and laughed at himself - then blanched as the double meaning of the word played an image inside his head. “Uurgh!"
The song came to an end as the whirling and chinking of Logan’s exoskeleton was about to cut through the sound barrier. Upon seeing him, Alec reluctantly began to push Max from his knee, but was surprised when she grabbed his hands and wrapped them back around her waist.
“Uh…" Logan stood before them, unsure what to say and disappointed to see Max so happy with Alec. So much happier than when they had ever been ‘not together’.
OC broke the awkward silence by being the one to welcome Logan into the group. “It’s great ya made it here Log - I see the grapevine’s still workin’ overload."
Logan ignored the sniggers he heard around him as he tried to work out just what Cindy has meant by that remark. He never was good at interpreting her lingo.
“That’s a neat little whirl whirl whirly gadget you got there Logan. What’s it for?" Normal had shuffled away from Alec’s feet and was endeavouring to find out what was attached to the straps around Logan’s shoes.
“Well actually it’s my exoskeleton. It enables me to walk." Logan blushed at the reminder of his disability.
Normal stood up and clasped his arm around Logan’s shoulders. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of Mr. Nothing… to be ashamed of. Nothing at all. Only few people in this world are perfect." He looked belatedly over at Alec, “And those that are, always seem to be taken. Here, I’ll buy you a beer and we’ll talk about that exo-thingy…"
Normal led Logan away, leaving his employee’s to stare dumbfounded after them.
“Wow. That was weird." Sketchy pulled up a seat beside Max and Alec winked knowingly at OC.
“Wow Max, I may not be interested in Logan, but it seems Normal might be." Alec bounced his head slightly as his eyes smiled at her. “Wonder what his dreams of Logan will involve? Greasing up his exoskeleton and planning to save the world…with our help of course!"
Max quickly ripped his arms off her and slid back onto her own stool.
“Don’t touch me jerk!"
Alec swung his head around at Max, astounded by her rapid switch of personalities. Ok, maybe not that astounded, Max and mood swings came hand in hand. But…
“What the hell are you talking about? You’re the one who went all lovey-dovey on me when your boyfriend turned up!"
“Oh whatever asshole!"
Max folded her arms across her chest and pulled her stool further away from him, denial darkening her scowl.
Alec slammed down the glass he’d raised to his mouth and abruptly stood up, shaking off OC’s hand as she tried to placate him.
“I didn’t come here to put up with this shit from you okay? Sorry OC, I think you girls have humiliated me enough. Think of your debt as paid."
He started towards the door and Cindy turned pleading eyes on Max. “Apologise to your boy Boo, the fun hasn’t even begun yet!"
“No!" She felt kinda bad about calling him an asshole but couldn‘t figure out why he was so wounded by the remark. “It’s not as if the guy has feelings. He’s just lookin‘ for some attention."
“No Boo. The guy does have feelings. Your just too dumb to notice when ya hurt ‘em. Now go and bring your boy back!"
Max looked after Alec, who had already disappeared through the door. “It’s too late."
She felt Cindy’s foot connect with her shin and sighed heavily. “Fine then!"
“Those two have got to sort their shit out." OC rolled her eyes and looked into the remnants of glass, her words oblivious to Sketchy who was trying unsuccessfully to make eye contact with a brunette at a nearby table.
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“Alec wait!"
Ignoring the voice that cried out behind him, Alec stepped up his pace. There was no way he was gonna let himself be subjected to anymore of Max’s little mind games.
A hand grabbed his arm and swung him round and he saw himself looking down into the angry eyes of a wildcat. Great. Now what had he done?
“You can’t just leave Alec! Come on, you know me, and you know I… don’t like to apologise."
“Apologies can’t help you."
Alec pushed her away and turned once more, throwing over his shoulder, “And you’re right, I do know you. Perhaps if you ever took the time to get to know me, you’d stop treating me like shit."
Max stood rooted in her spot, afraid to take the step forward into a whole new part of Alec’s life. Get to know him? What a strange and interesting notion. And one she wasn’t near ready to consider.
But then she envisioned walking back into the bar alone, and the way OC would beat on her because of it. After all, this opportunity to cash in her winnings would never come again. Besides, she had to grudgingly admit she’d been having fun tonight. Until Logan came along…
“I’m sorry!"
She caught up to Alec and placed herself in front of him, halting him in his path. “I’m a bitch. I can’t help it. I freely admit it!"
Alec couldn’t be sure what expression he was reading on Max’s face. Sulky, shitty and plain old sarcastic were about her limits when it came to contorting those facial muscles. He’d always blamed it on a genetic defect and tried not to bring up the delicate subject. She couldn’t help it if she was a broken toy.
Sincerity - that was it. She looked sincere. Well hooray for the puppet! She’d developed another mask.
“…and I promise I’ll leave you alone if you just come back. Please?"
Aware that Max was still speaking to him and holding a straight face, Alec sighed inwardly, kicking himself for giving in to her - yet again.
“I don’t want you to leave me alone. I just want you to stop messing with my head."
Alec kicked himself again. Had he just said too much? He didn’t want to let on just how much he cared about Max… about Max’s opinion.
Hooking her arm through his, Max led Alec once again towards Kinky’s, beaming widely at having snared her fish again.
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OC’s eyes lit up when she saw the two X5’s approach. There was enough friends, co-workers, Manticore escapee’s and assorted journalists in here now to bring on the star performance.
“Come on, time’s a-wasting! Go choose your song and get that hot little ass of yours up on stage!"
Alec held his face in his hands and mumbled profanities. When he raised his head, he found the little group at the table had been joined by two others - Biggs and Cece. Oh this was just the proverbial icing on the cake.
Biggs was grinning widely at him and Cece gave him a wink. They were waiting until no one else was around to give him shit about this - he could feel it. Before he had a chance to say something in his defence, Max dragged him off once again, towards the object worthy of causing nightmares in a grown man…
“Now, you’re not gonna to run off again if I leave you here are you?"
Alec looked down at Max’s smiling face and gently flicked her on the nose. “You know I couldn’t do that to you Maxie. Now run along and play with your friends. I have to steal the limelight from Normal’s Grammy winning performance."
Grammy? Max shrugged her shoulders, not having any idea what a Grammy was. She was satisfied by this reply and gave Alec’s hand a quick squeeze and turned back to the others.
“How did you manage to get him to do this?" Biggs gave her a high five as she sat back at her seat.
“Hey it wasn’t me - the credit is entirely OC’s!"
The group at the table all turned to her, waiting for an explanation. Sketchy worked it out at once.
“It’s because of the other night isn’t it? Did you promise you’d let him watch…"
“Oh shut up Sketch! God, what planet are you from?" Cindy rolled her eyes and turned back to Biggs, whose mind had been wallowing in the same gutter as Sketchy’s.
“You men are all alike! I’m not talkin’ to either one of ya!" She turned her back on them and looked to Max for sympathy.
“There, there." She patted her friend’s arm reassuringly. “Remember what I said about men and dogs right?"
“No Boo! I said that about men and dogs! Remember, you were too busy bein’ a bitch to your boy again!"
Max was stumped into silence, OC staring at her with raised brows. Best to fall back on a safe bet. “He’s not my boy."
“You know sugar, you keep saying that and every time it sounds less true." OC placed a warm hand on Max’s arm.
Max was searching for a rebuttal to the statement but was interrupted.
“Hey guys, check him out!“ Cece perked up and pointed to the front of the room…
Alec strode into the centre of the stage, holding a microphone and grinning like a man who’d done this sort of thing all of his life.
He paused and looked around the room, making sure he had everyone‘s undivided attention. If he was gonna go through with this, he may as well give it his all…
“Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream. About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon, we don't know. " Max sat stunned, she had no idea where any of this was coming from, but she had never expected that Alec would appear to enjoy this so much. Her surprise increased tenfold when he began to sing. I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job. I'm your average white suburbanite slob. I like football and porno and books about war. I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor. “Oh. My. God." Max turned to the group, eyes ablaze. “This isn’t right! This isn’t a proper song - it’s the asshole song!" “Well maybe you shouldn’t have called him that before huh?" OC laughed at her friend’s behaviour. What had she been expecting from the guy - a sappy love song? “But… but…" Max looked about ready to either jump on the floor kicking and screaming or…cry. But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested oh no no way uh-uh No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense Alec was really getting into the lyrics, and the crowd appeared to be enjoying it too. This karaoke thing was really addictive. Perhaps after this, he’d sing another song… Oh yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) He stared straight at Max, noticing that she appeared to be fuming - once again. *Let this be a lesson to you.* I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole) Over at another table, Logan was sitting with Normal - who appeared to be hitting on him. But then, he couldn’t be sure. He had no previous experience in the mating game to compare this to. Never would he admit to anyone that his marriage had been arranged by sympathetic parents. Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces, While handicapped people make handicapped faces. Was Alec making up these lyrics just to take the piss out of him? It wasn’t enough that he’d stolen his girl and left him to be pawed by this geek beside him, but now he was taking the mickery out of him in a song to boot! Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song Ranting and raving and carrying on Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong Alec was sure to pause on the last line. He zoned in on Max, making it seem that the room was entirely black and they were the only ones in it, lights glowing around them. OC, Biggs, CeCe and Logan looked as though they we’re watching a tennis match. Heads turning as each opponent took their shot, but the ball was in Alec’s court and Max never had a chance. NAAAAH! I’m an Asshole! Max’s face was painted red with fury. She was mentally taking everything back. She wasn’t sorry, not for anything. And he really was an Asshole!
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A smile crept across Logan’s face. Seemed things weren’t so smooth in relationship land. Maybe he still had a chance to woo Max back. I wonder what kind of pre pulse wine they serve here. Maybe a cheese soufflé as well? Logan’s thoughts were interrupted as Normal’s hand came to his shoulder. “I can’t believe he’s singing this song. That boy is so far from being an asshole." Logan reluctantly turned his attention back to Alec. “He is pure perfection. Certainly too good for Missy Miss there. She deserves someone more…dull." Logan shifted slightly. “Say, didn’t you two used to have a thing?" Normal didn’t let him answer. “Just listen to him." A. SS. HO. LE. A. SS. HO. LE. “It amazes me though." “What does Normal?" Logan couldn’t believe how loud the music was in this place. He had to speak in a voice he just didn’t think was as sexy as his usual husk. “The heat between those two." Normal indicated Max and Alec, still staring burning holes into one another, oblivious of all others in the room. Logan was about to be sick. “I saw it at the strip club that time. Miss sitting on Alec smooth, extraordinary lap. Running her hands through his hair." Everybody! A. SS. HO. LE! The entire club was now joining Alec is his spelling bee. Logan’s eyes widened when he registered what Normal had just said. “What strip club?" “The one that Alec used to go to all the time. Blowfish something, in Sector 9. Ask Max, she works there one night a week." Normal shuddered at the thought. Logan could not believe what he was hearing. It seemed that Max and Alec’s relationship had been going on for much longer then he had thought. And right under his nose! It was going to be harder then he thought to get her back, but he had a plan. “Excuse me Normal." Logan got up from his bar stool and headed for the back of the stage.
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Max’s face began to cramp as she clenched her jaw tighter. This was supposed to be a humiliating experience for Alec and instead, the entire crowd was singing along with him, OC included and it was her debt pay out that he was enjoying! The only person other then herself not spelling out Alec’s true nature was Sketchy and Max could only guess that was because he didn’t know how to spell it. I’m an asshole And I’m proud of it. Alec couldn’t help himself. “That one was for you Maxie." He blew her a kiss and proceeded to bow at the admiration the crowd showed him through their cheers. Max shot her head towards Original Cindy. “That wasn’t good enough. Make him pay again. Something different!" OC looked at her wide eyed. “Make him pay Cindy. You beat him in a bet and now he’s basking in the glory of showing his true self! Make. Him. Pay!" “Down girl!" OC could not believe how worked up Max was getting. “That was my debt and the boy paid it. I wasn’t to know that he’d enjoy himself so much." “How can you be satisfied? I would-" OC put a hand to Max’s mouth. “I told you I wasn’t changin’ camps for no boy, so I don’t wanna know what you would do to him." OC couldn’t help her smirk. Max’s confused look confirmed that there was definitely something there to talk about later. “Look Boo, Alec looked like a fool! He will not live that performance down for a long time. He just went with it and had some fun. Maybe you should do the same. Lighten up Max. Please." Original Cindy took her hand in hers and gave her a soft smile. Max would think about it. She watched as Alec handed the microphone back to the MC. He patted him on the back and whispered something in his ear. The MC pointed behind stage and Alec shoulder shook as he chuckled and brought a hand to his face, rubbing his forehead. A large smirk moved across his face as he shook his head and walked of the stage. He moved across to his companions and gave them a sparkling smile. “Who woulda thought that hot boy could get a crowd goin‘?" “Ah, Cindy, what can I say…I have hidden depth." He shot a look to Max, his face becoming all too serious for her comfort. She fidgeted in her seat as his eyes rested heavily upon her. She quickly glared up at him. “Nice choice." “Thought you’d like it." He gave her smug grin. “It was fitting." She crossed her arms and legs and looked away from him. Alec sat down next to her with a sigh. He leant in close to her, whispering in her ear. “I wonder how fitting the next performance will be." Max gave him a quizzical look. Alec sat back and took a drink of his scotch, Biggs, CC and Sketchy patting him on the back and hounding him about his performance. Alec never taking his eyes of Max. “Ladies and Gentlemen…" Alec smiled through his glass and gestured to the stage. Max turned around slowly. “I would now like to present…"He turned to behind stage and question the next performers name. “Logan with…" He looked at his palm card. “A Song for Max." The MC shrugged his shoulders and walked off stage, handing Logan the microphone as he left. Logan fumbled with the microphone and dropped it on the floor, causing a spin tingling screech to fly through the room. The crowd showing their appreciation through collective, painful moans. Logan quickly picked it up, the screeches continuing. “I…uh…sorry." He gave a quick nerd filled smile. Max sunk in her seat as Logan began to clear his throat and declare the song to her. Two songs for her in a row…couldn’t Alec get back up there? She turned to Logan’s predecessor, her lips in full pout, her eyebrows high. Alec couldn’t help it. He was ready to start laughing hysterically, but that puppy dog face, those large brown eyes. They were enough to melt the iceberg that the titanic hit. Instead he slide his seat forward and put his hand to her shoulder. A gesture that caused all other Jam Pony members to look at one another and smile. “Max…" Her body shivered again and Alec put a hand to her back and slowly rubbed the shiver away. “This is for you, my one and only true love." It was more then a shiver this time. It was a convulsion. Alec moved his hand across her back more rapidly and looked warily at his other friends. Unfortunately they couldn’t control their emotions. They were in fits of laughter. He shot them a fierce look and they shut their mouths in unison. Their silence didn’t last long. In fact, as the words began to leave Logan’s mouth, Alec was unsure if he could control himself. It was just… so… sad. Thank heaven for little girls for little girls get bigger every day!
“Oh my god." Max head sunk against her chest and her hand covered her face. Thank heaven for little girls they grow up in the most delightful way!
“Alec?!" Max was waving her arm at her side, never moving her head from her chest. He placed a glass of scotch in her hand and moved closer as she gulped it down. He didn’t know exactly what to do. He knew what he wanted to do and that was take her in his arms right there, but fear of stepping over his boundaries tamed his urge. He thought that the hand on her back was about all she would allow. That and a refill. Those little eyes so helpless and appealing one day will flash and send you crashin' thru the ceilin' Logan had the cheesiest grin on his face and he was prancing around the stage like a fairy, kicking his legs out to the side, basking at what he thought was his glory moment. The plan of all plans. The song to get his little girl back. He was so enthralled in his moment that he was oblivious to Max’s reaction. He thought she was crying with joy. So happy that she was unable to speak, a hand to her head, hiding her tears. Thank heaven for little girls thank heaven for them all, no matter where no matter who for without them, what would little boys do? Alec couldn’t believe it. How could the man be so foolish? That exoskeleton obviously didn’t enhance any part of his brain, in fact it may just hamper it! He slowly glanced across the room and saw looks of disgust. Nobody was laughing anymore, this was…sick. A grown man singing ‘thank heaven for little girls’ to his so called one true love? Alec couldn’t even begin to fathom Logan’s current mental state. Or his need to possibly be in jail. Thank heaven... thank heaven... Thank heaven for little girls! The music stopped and so did the strangled cat. A cricket could be heard screaming in fear in the corner. The audience sat in silence. Max took a hold of Alec’s arm and squeezed tightly. “Please tell me he’s finished." It was lucky Alec had superhuman hearing, as Max’s question was barely spoken. He spoke at the same level. “Yeah Max. He’s finished." Alec looked around at Biggs and CeCe. He gave them a quick nod and a jerk of the head. They signalled their understanding and ran to the stage. Max turned to Alec, pale as a ghost. “Please tell me I heard wrong?" “You heard wrong?" Alec shrugged his shoulders as he answered, unsure whether it would help or where to go next. His safest bet seemed to fall back on a classic, humour. “He was singing ‘thank heaven for lovely curls." He gave her a smile and a nod. She looked at him blankly. “I don’t have curls." “No…you don’t." Alec hadn’t thought of that. “But you did! Last year, I saw them in the publicity shots that are used as part of the family album. You know the ones that are basically screen caps and the producers decide that they will pass as an everyday photo?" Max continued to stare at him. “Uh…" He saw Biggs signalling to him in the corner of his eye. He gave him a subtle acknowledgement and grabbed Max by the shoulders. “Look, I can’t quite remember… oh Cindy told me." He turned Max around to OC. “Why don’t you two discuss the inappropriateness of telling me unnecessary information and while you‘re at it, have another drink." With that he turned and walked into the crowd.
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Biggs ripped the microphone from Logan’s hands and watched CeCe drag him further back stage. He waited for Alec to approach, then began to talk. They needed to get the crowd back in the mood. “Ok, my friend CeCe and I are going to do a bit of an uplifting number and…Sketchy," He point out his hand to indicate Sketchy’s position in the room. “Is going to come and join us." Sketchy, hearing his name, jumped to his feet and scuffed to the stage. Obviously excited that the new Jam Pony members wanted him to join in what ever they had planned. He just hoped they was no spelling needed. Alec nodded his thanks to Biggs and CeCe, as they waited for Sketchy. CeCe was busy organising a song for them to sing, but Biggs returned the gesture. Hearing the upbeat tune of what he would later find out to be a Swedish group called Abby or something, Alec knew he was safe to finish the straggled cat off, without being noticed.
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“Where’d you go?" Max had obviously downed more then one drink since Alec was gone. He looked at Cindy, who held up eight digits. Alec nodded and smiled. He was impressed. Plus the scotch would help flood out the bug that so frequently crawled up Max’s butt. “Bathroom." “The bathroom is that way Alec." Max pointed to the opposite direction he came from. “Uh…that’s where it is. Well I couldn’t find it so I just went outside." “Arggh! That’s disgusting!" He couldn’t win! If he was to tell her where he really was, she’d yell at him. Make something up to protect her, she yells at him anyway. “Yes Max, it is disgusting and I feel terrible about it." He sat down and sulked. “Well all this talk of bathrooms has given me the need." Max stood from her chair and turned to Cindy. “Need to go?" OC shook her head. Max shrugged her shoulders and walked off, Original Cindy scooting her chair over to Alec immediately. “Tell Original Cindy where you really were!" “I had to pee. Is that so hard to believe?" “You may be a genetically engineered uber-stud, but you ain’t foolin’ Original Cindy." Alec went to grab the bottle of scotch and pour himself a drink. Original Cindy’s hand swooped across the table and took it from him. “Geeze Cindy. Sure you’re not from Manticore?" She gave him a stern look as he tried to reach for the bottle again. “Fine. I paid Logan a little visit. Now can I have my drink?" OC didn’t give him the bottle, instead she poured the glass herself and handed it to him. “That’s my boy." Alec turned his head in confusion, shrugged his shoulders and gulped down his scotch. A warm palm ran over Alec’s back and caused him to jump in surprise. I didn’t realise Max had that much to drink… Turning to face her with a grin, he instead encountered the adoring face of none other than Normal, his expression slightly maniacal from a few too many drinks perhaps. “Oh Normal heh!" Alec jumped back and nearly overturned his stool in eagerness to escape his boss’s grasp. “Uh.. How’s it, uh, going? You look pretty beat dude. Isn’t it time you head home?" Normal’s eyes lit in a way that scared Alec more than his touch had. “Why hot stuff, is that an invitation?" Alec looked to OC for help but she merely smiled and raised her eyebrows suggestively. Where was Max? Normal stepped forward, intent on cornering his prey once and for all. His golden boy was playing hard to get but tonight he refused to take no for an answer. Missy Miss wasn’t around to help him now… “What do ya think you’re doing tryin’a chat up my boy?" The sudden appearance of Max to his left, did nothing to halt Normal. The way those two argued, she should think of him as doing her a favour. “You don’t fool me Missy Miss. You don’t appreciate nor deserve my golden ray of sunshine. Why don’t you just give up and stop pretending huh?" “What are you talking about?" Alec lunged around Normal and grabbed Max, drawing her to him. “There’s no pretending going on here!" Max found herself locked in an embrace with Alec as he swung her into his arms and gripped his hands across her back in what was almost a bear hug. Her arms flailed uselessly above his head until she finally gained control of herself and grudgingly wrapped them around the back of his neck. “See that’s my girl!" OC was watching this little drama unfold from the sidelines, and couldn’t help but give her team a bit of encouragement. God, if the girl could just wipe that look of pained humiliation off her face and enjoy herself… “Oh look at you two!" Normal waved his hands in disgust. “You can barely stand to touch each other? I can’t imagine how you’d get down to the nitty gritty - nor do I want to imagine." Seeing an opportunity too good to resist, OC walked over to stand between the two warring parties. “These two are animals, trust me. I swear they have cat DNA in them or somethin’. I gotta find myself a fine shorty to take me home each night just so I can get some sleep!" Ignoring the filthy looks Max was trying to subtly send her way, OC gave Alec a wink and continued. “You think these two ignite flames when they argue? You ain’t seen nothing when they kiss!" Original Cindy could feel Max boring holes into the back of her with a variation of the above mentioned fire, as she pushed the play one step further… Turning towards the X5’s, who still stood entangled within each other’s arms, she smiled wickedly as she spoke. “Why don’t you demonstrate boo?" Max suddenly lost her ability to breath. “Yeah, why don’t you?" Alec smiled down at Max, who stared wild eyed up at him, like a deer caught in headlights. “Hey Max, are you okay? You’re not gonna pass out or puke on me are ya?" Alec tilted her chin up and forced her to look at him, concern evident in his eyes. This little game had gone on long enough. He lowered his voice and spoke gently. “It’s okay, we were only joking." “See! What did I tell you? It’s all a farce." Normal shook his head intrigued by their strange behaviour. He had to hand it to these two - they never failed to amuse him. Alec looked up to see his disciple step forward, drawn in by the scent of a total fabrication and he quivered from the predatory glint in Normal’s eyes. God, if only Max would just give it up already… He looked down at her, half pleading with his eyes for her to kiss him. Ensuring himself it was to get rid of Normal, not some yearning to actually be intimate with her. Max looked up at the man in her arms, her mind in a whirl. This was… Alec! How could she stomach kissing him? This was the man who annoyed her with his womanising, stupid jokes, irritating laughter and very presence… morning and night. The man who she looked down on as one would look down on a roach crawling across the floor. Who she had tried to squash like said bug, time and time again. But as she turned her head away and thought about Logan, she realised if she could handle sticking her tongue down his throat, then Alec shouldn’t be a problem… Eyeing up his full soft lips, she caught herself leaning towards them and hesitated. What the hell was she doing? “Max!" The sudden jolt to her senses by the harsh crispness of this new voice, startled Max and caused her to jerk her head back, eyes widened in shock as she realised just how close she’d come to losing herself to Alec. His face instantly became a mask at her reaction, but not before she witnessed something much more human pass over his features. Something resembling the doomed look of a man who had just bared his heart and had it painfully dismembered from the rest of his body. “Max, I’m sorry for offending you earlier." Beside her stood Logan, cheesy grin on face and scraps of potato peel decorating his receding hairline. He held a soufflé out before him as one would make an offering to a God. Cindy snatched the soufflé from him, pissed that he’d interrupted her plan. Max wrinkled her nose as the subtle aroma of fresh urine and decaying root vegetables wafted from him. “God Logan, have you been playing in the sewers again?" Alec cleared his throat and turned away, exchanging a quick look with Cindy as he did so. “So… who’s up for the next song?" OC turned back to the transgenics, hoping to change the subject. “And who wants this…" Pausing to look around at the dank quality of the bar they were in, OC was at once filled with curiosity. “Where the hell did you get this thing Logan?" With a puzzled look, Logan shrugged. They stared down at the soufflé and shrugged in unison. It was indeed a mystery. “Well, knowing Logan, he probably pulled it out of his ass." Alec chuckled and waited for Max to whack him. Surprisingly, she stood shaking in silent laughter. Obviously, it had been a long night for the poor girl. Perhaps she needed some more alcohol. In a karaoke bar, you could never have too much of the mind numbing substances. “Hey Max, I have an idea. How bout you sing!" Alec’s devilish grin widened at the thought. He knew the perfect song for her… “Oh no, I am not getting up and making a fool of myself!" Max shook her head vigorously as Alec and OC descended towards her like hungry cat’s upon spotting a mouse. As they closed in for the kill she moved back and shrank into a vacant seat, her eyes searching the room desperately for some means of escape. There was none. “Come on Maxie - live a little!" Alec reached forward and snatched her hand before she had a chance to wrap it around the arm of her chair and grinned widely as her face contorted surprised horror. “Hell no!" She dug her feet into the floor and leaned back into the chair as Alec in turn strained backwards, trying to propel her from the seat. “Go and annoy someone else for a change!" As much as she had no desire whatsoever to move away from her safe little retreat, it was difficult to seriously be annoyed with Alec as he stood over her looking for all the world like a kid in an amusement park. But he was so irritating! The way he would try and infect her with his enthusiasm for… life, pester her with his ever constant grin, provoke her with his senseless babble and… oh God, were his eyes actually twinkling? To her right, Max heard Logan clear his throat loudly like a school teacher hinting for the class to sit down and be quiet. Max glanced towards him and caught the fierce expression on his face as he attempted to glare Alec into submission. *God, he’s such a - * “Sad sack Max!" “Huh?" Max snapped her head back towards Alec, her eyebrows knitted together in sudden concern. What was he doing getting inside her head? “I said you’re such a sad sack Max. Come on, you may be surprised to find you have a hidden talent?" He quirked his eyebrows suggestively and nodded towards the stage where Sketchy and Normal were now running through their third incantation of ‘Love Shack’ for the night. “Uh-huh. I’ve heard my boo sing in the shower." OC took a long skull from her handle of beer before adding, “She may have talent but it ain’t for singing." “Hey!" Max’s scowl instantly returned to her face and Alec playfully swatted their friend before giving an exaggerated sigh. “Cindy! The idea is to get her up and have fun - not to encourage her to sit here like some vengeful demon fresh from the 7th circle of Hell!" “Give it up hot boy." OC gestured towards the expression on Max’s face. “She’s only up for fun when it involves taking the mickey out of you." “Hey, I can handle that!" Alec’s energy level bounced back up as an idea sprung to mind. “We can both sing a duet or something…" He laughed as he side-stepped the boot that came flying at his shins from Max’s direction. “You’re not getting me singing no song! And you’re certainly not getting me singing a duet - with you!" “Wanna bet?" Alec stepped forward and grabbed her other hand which she had carelessly forgotten to tuck behind her back. “Haven’t you learnt your lesson about making bets with us Alec?" OC shook her head in amusement. “Who knows what cunning form of humiliation we can cook up for you next? Maybe Normal will lend us his gladiator suit?" Alec gulped at the thought of having to wear something that Normal had not only produced sweat in, but had done so for him, his Golden Boy…his Macho Man. Alec shuddered the thought away and spoke with an upbeat tone. “I’m willing to take that chance." With a jolt of his arms Alec pulled Max to her feet, his laughter increasing as her eyes widened at his action. Max stared in shock as she found her face suddenly inches away from Alec’s, yet again. She searched her mind for some kind of insult, a way to knock him down a peg or two and force him to release her. *His eyes are definitely twinkling.* She groaned inwardly. That wasn’t the kind of thought she’d been striving for and there was no way that would remove any pegs, it would just make his high horse tired from the chips on his shoulders. “She said she doesn’t want to Alec. I think you should let her go." Logan rose to his feet and made an effort to step between them. Alec stepped away, pulling Max with him. After all, he didn’t want Logan to catch a virus or anything. “I can speak for myself Logan!" Max was amazed at how invigorated she felt upon suddenly sprouting a backbone. Not to mention the look on Logan’s face as that single comment seemed to rip out his spine. If it wasn’t for his stupid whinny exoskeleton, Max imagined he would have crumbled onto the floor in a useless heap, just continuing to get in everyone’s way. “Alright Alec. You win, I‘ll sing." She laughed as his jaw practically hit the ground. Beside them, OC also turned, looking at her friend as if she’d just announced she had butt fat injected into her lips. Finally Alec collected himself and released one of her wrists, enabling him to wrap his arm around her waist and lead her towards the karaoke machine. “That’s just great Maxie! I’ve got just the song for you…" She laughed, this was going to be fun. She hoped. After cringing through Alec’s rendition of Asshole, how bad could it be? “What song Alec? ‘I Will Survive’?" Max had no idea what the words to the song were, but any movie she had seen featuring a karaoke moment had that song in it. Someone had to sing it right? He chuckled before holding onto her tighter, knowing she may suddenly change her mind and run back to her little corner. “No, no, no… I found something far more appropriate for you while searching through the play list. It’s a song by someone called Meredith Brookes." He laughed at her wide-eyed, trusting expression. She’d walked straight into this one. “…and it‘s called ‘Bitch‘." ‘You ASS!" Just as Alec anticipated, Max tried to wriggle free like a fish trying desperately to find it’s way back to the ocean. He laughed as he fought to hold her still - they were getting funny looks from those surrounding them. “You…" She spun around in his arms so that she was facing him, and pushed her hands against his chest, “Let me go Alec!" “Oh come on - it suits you Maxie! What would you prefer to sing huh?" He plastered a serious expression on his face as he considered her other choices. “Hey how about joining Normal in Summer Lovin’ " Max stopped thrashing long enough to picture that in her head. Alec gave a quick glance to the stage and saw Biggs and CeCe, trying helplessly to escape the clutches of Normal. That man was far from ordinary, he was a breed of his own! The two entwined transgenics looked at one another and shrugged. Biggs and CeCe had super powers, they could deal. “So, how do the words to my song go?" She had the same look on her face as she did when he told her there was only one way to get into the Blowfish Tavern …ooh, this was gonna be fun. “Well Max, it’s relatively simple. Just take a step outside yourself, and look at the way you treat people - namely me - on a daily basis. The words will come to you. I promise." He gave her a wink A smug wink. God it was sexy! Max shuddered at the sudden thought of Alec and sex…y! Sexy! She had to do something to distract him, something fast because she could feel the flushness of her thoughts engulfing her body and- “Hang on! I’m not satisfied with you!" Max’s eyes widened at her slip up. “rrr song! Your song! I’m not satisfied with your song!" Alec shook his head at her lame attempts to cover the Freudian slip. He’d let it pass though…for now. “Oh no, your not worming your way out of -" “Oh of course not Alec!" She produced a sickly sweet tone in her voice. “I just think that you should sing one more song. And then it’ll be my turn. I promise." Max smiled like a fox in the company of a gingerbread man. Alec didn’t buy it for one second. “Hell no! I need some collateral." Tapping her foot, Max impatiently waited for Alec to continue. Alec couldn’t help but gloat. He had Max right where he wanted her. Well, not quite. If they were in a hotel room and she was beneath him on a large vibrating bed - well then he’d have her right where he wanted her. “I’ll sing another song, on the condition you sing the next one. And as collateral I want the keys to your bike." Max opened her mouth to protest, she never let anybody touch her baby. But the sudden thought of Alec perched on the leather seat, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist as they drove through the crisp evenings of the Seattle streets… She suddenly felt herself flush again and shot an arm out to Alec, delivering him the keys. “I have to go to the bathroom." “Ok, I’ll wait for you to get back before I start." “Fine." Max spoked the single word as she raced off to the ladies. She needed to cool herself off.
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As Alec stood before the microphone, his eyes swept the room, searching for Max, but something else caught his eye. *That’s strange*. His eyes reverted back to a table where a group of woman sat all dressed alike, pens in hands, and giggling much the way one would imagine a chipmunk to giggle if it were so inclined - and possibly stoned. He eyed up their costumes, wondering why their attire seemed so familiar. And then like a snap, it came to him. *Whoopi Goldberg… Sister Act… They’re nuns!* Though their attire slightly different to Whoopi’s, their habits made in a light blue. It was puzzling. Why would so many nuns suddenly be here…in a bar no less? Why were they looking at him as if he were the manifestation of God? And why was there a large pile of blue towels on the table? Shrugging, he looked back towards the bathroom, waiting for Max, but his eyes kept coming to rest upon the nuns. *Did that one just wink at me?* Alec grew anxious as he waited. What was taking her so long? Had she done the old ‘climb out the toilet window and run away’ trick? As the patrons of the club came to notice Alec on stage, they grew silent in anticipation. And then out from the crowd, a voice gushed with excitement, “Okay ladies, get ready to spontaneously... well you know!" This produced a titter of giggles from the table of nuns, and Alec shot a startled glance at them, wondering which one had spoken. He guessed that it must have been the one all the others were now leaning into, laughing and patting her back. As they noticed the strange look he was giving them, not to mention everyone else in the room, they fell quiet at last. Alec took a step back and studied them with growing curiosity. One met his gaze and raised an eyebrow suggestively before slowly running her tongue along her lips, causing Alec’s own eyebrows to rise - towards the ceiling. The nun beside her struggled to maintain a pious expression, but was failing miserably in the attempt. Another began to twiddle her thumbs in nervous excitement, while at least two of them seemed as if they were trying to contain an urge to fly up from their chairs and fling themselves at his feet. With a shock, Alec realised there were more nuns scattered throughout the karaoke bar and yet, he was sure they hadn’t been there before he stepped on stage? But this was nothing compared to the astonishment Alec felt when he saw the nun who had spoken earlier rest her elbows on the table, giving him full view of her hands. Hands that were wrapped in his… “Hey!" Alec pointed at the nun. “They’re my gloves!" He was about to pursue the matter further, but a sudden movement caught his eye and he tore his thoughts away from these strange woman and his misplaced gloves, to see Max had returned from the bathroom and resumed her seat at last. Now, the show could begin. He gave one last glance to the one who wore his gloves. What was she doing? They were too big for her!
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She was just seventeen “Still too young for you Logan, stay away!" Alec couldn’t pass that one up.
And you nun what I mean And the way she looked was way beyond compare As he began the song, a voice rang out above the music. “Oh my holy GOD! He's actually SINGING!" Well she looked at me and I could see That before too long I fell in love with her
Looking to the source of the commotion, he noticed one of the nun’s had slumped forward in her seat, her head lolling on the table. *Oh for the love of… she just fainted!* Alec faltered in his song as he struggled to remember what he was singing about. It was hard to maintain rational thought at this point. Across the room, one of the blue clad ladies turned to another and exclaimed, “Now that's what I call a devoted nun!" With such a dedicated group of religious woman drooling and fainting before him, Alec couldn’t help but feel like a god. Though he imagined that the drooling and the fainting wasn’t at all appropriate in the nun/god relationship. Ah, what did he care? This was fun! And catching a glimpse of his friends and colleagues having a ball, made it all worth while. I couldn't dance with another When I saw here standing there
“Oh to have Jensen sing to me…" With his transgenic hearing, Alec heard the pious nun sigh the words, and his jaw dropped. *Who the hell is Jensen?* Perhaps these woman were part of some bizarre cult and Jensen was their god? But why were they here listening to him sing? Did he bear some kind of uncanny resemblance? Was this ’Jensen’ 495? Surely they wouldn’t have made another one of him? *Though when you find perfection…* Was that him, or were the nuns sending him telepathic messages? Encouraged by their reaction to him, he began to mingle with the crowd, a wicked grin on his face.
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At the table, one nun turned to her right and whispered, “Ooh, I love his voice! His voice is so pure!" Well my heart went boom As I crossed that room
Her companion nodded in agreement. “The man will never cease to impress me. I’m speechless!" “If you’re speechless, then why are you talking?" The nun who posed the question jumped with shock as she felt a hand take hold of her own. With a gasp, she realised it wasn’t another nun, but the divine being himself. And I held her hand in mine As he released her hand, she swooned in her seat, her eyes glassy and far away. “He is a man of many talents..." The next nun who had been fumbling in her bag for a pen and scrap of paper, felt a hand glide across her shoulders. Turning in her seat, she looked up into Alec’s smiling face as he passed her by. “Hey!" He turned back to her, never failing in his lyrics, eyes wide and inquisitive. “What are the chances of…" She flashed him a devilish grin and held out the paper towards him. He glanced down at the hastily scribbled words and shook his head as he mouthed the word ‘none‘, indicating towards a girl who stood scowling at the back of the room. As he turned away, the excited woman turned back to her fellow sister‘s, a huge grin upon her face. “He said nun!" Oh we danced through the night And we held each other tight
Alec looked up at Max and started towards her at last. After all, she was the one he had originally chosen the song for. And before too long I feel in love with her
But the nun who had previously been out cold, now lunged out of her seat and dived at him. Dodging this flying missile with transgenic ease, he looked about the room wildly for any sign of further attack, and then stepped towards Max once more …only to find himself suddenly immobilized. Looking down, he found a woman had herself wrapped around his ankles like a pair of leg warmers. *Where did this one spring from?* He tried to shake her off but to no avail. She crawled up his leg and to his horror, began to sob. “You’re an angel!" Her eyes shone bright and clear as tears flowed down her face. Too horrified now to finish the song, Alec looked to Max with terror in his eyes. “Maaaaxxxx!" Springing across the room to come to his aid, Max pried the hysterical girl away from Alec and turned to pin them one of her infamous glares. A nun jumped to her feet and clapped her hands with glee. “I definitely liked the second song best!" Max moved her hands to her hips, attitude enveloping her body. “Who are you people?" Expecting the women to wilt before her in fear, her voice came out like poison tipped arrows. To her mortification, not only were they looking decidedly un-scared, but by the facial expressions, or rather, complete lack of facial expressions that they were pulling, they appeared to be taking the piss out of her! “We’re nun’s moron." Max scrunched her face at the answer. *How dare they-* Her thoughts stopped as she heard the whispers from several other nuns. “What did you say?" Max could have sworn she heard something about her and lack of food.
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From the balcony (yes, there’s a balcony - we just never mentioned it before), two nuns stood watching the scene below, exchanging clandestine winks and nudges and cackling with evil laughter. “This song is truly… inspiring. I feel there are sneaky plans a brew…" They winked and nudged and winked some more - this elbow prodding and rapid eye movement carrying on for several minutes until at last, they realised they were forgetting the point of the story. “You’re too subtle, I have no idea what you’re talking about!" But of course, she knew exactly what her fellow conspirator had in mind. After all, they had been making plans to kidnap Jens - Alec - uhh… whoever.. Since before this tale had begun…
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Having escaped the nuns, (who had mysteriously vanished from the story as suddenly as they had appeared), Alec turned to Max. “So, did you like the song?" She was fuming at him for throwing himself at the near-hyperventilating army of nuns in heat, and was in no mood for enlarging his ego more than it already was. God knows he‘d probably rise into the sky like a hot air balloon and be lost forever. “Yeah sure." Max grinned, waiting for Alec‘s eyes to light up before adding, “If you were Bad Billy Bass the Singing Fish." Alec flinched as the exuberant expression fell right off his face, to be replaced by his desperately cute and lovable wounded expression. In a sad soft voice he whispered, “But I was singing it for you Max." Sighing, she gave in to his ‘kicked puppy‘ trip, and rolled her eyes. “Okay fine. You were great. Now, can I get my song over and done with? I don’t trust you with my keys." Amusement replaced Alec’s indignity as he broke into a grin once more. “Yeah sure Max. You know where the stage is…" Indeed she did. And she had just the right song to sum up how she felt for the annoying, no - infuriating jackass.
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