Rating: PG-15 language
Spoilers: Season Five and 'The Reckoning'...
Timeline: Around about 'Eve'...
Summary: A major change to 'Eve'...
Disclaimer: There's no way in Tartarus that I own them, Baby!
Insight
By Alicia
"How does it feel, Xena? Knowing the person you love despises you. Trying to reach her, but knowing, in the end, it'll either be her...or you..."
She looked Ares in the eye. Xena knew that she had hurt him immeasurable when she had refused him yet again. Only, this time, she had gone one step further. She had told him that the thought of ever being with him again, having his child, sickened her.
Xena could still picture the utter shock and despair she had witnessed in his expression just before she had turned away from him. Pain had radiated from every fiber of his immortal being, as it had been from hers.
Hadn't he caused her pain, as well? Xena's one regret about Ares was that he was the God Of War. Any other being and she would have done something to make it work.
Twenty-five years ago, she had wondered if they might finally have a chance, just as she drank the poison. He had been so tender, so gentle, that she had nearly broken down right then and there.
But then she had returned, only to find her only daughter in the arms of Ares, those same arms that had once held her, caressed her body, his lips on her daughter's, those same lips that had worshipped her...
But now...
Xena didn't know what to do. Earlier on, Joxer had pulled her aside and told her what he could remember about the day that she and Gabrielle had supposedly died. Joxer had told her that even he couldn't believe what he had seen. The way that Ares had disappeared with Gabrielle, then with Xena herself...
Rumors had spread throughout Greece rapidly. The Warrior Princess was dead and the God Of War was grieving. The other gods hadn't dared approach him, save for Aphrodite. She had immediately gone to see Ares when she had heard about the day's events.
She had also visited Joxer, telling him what Ares had done, how he was feeling. But the Goddess Of Love couldn't tell him where the bodies were, because Ares didn't trust anyone, especially another god, with the location.
The Warrior Princess was torn. She was torn between the god that she had always loved, and the child that said god had corrupted. Xena would never willingly give him a child while he was like this, but she didn't want him to tell the other gods about Eve.
"Ares, wait..." she whispered the plea, just as his light began to transport him. His face was devoid of any and all emotion now, but Xena knew him better than anyone else. She could feel the pain lurking just beneath the surface.
"What is it this time, Xena? You gonna beg for your daughter's life? The same daughter that just tried to kill you and very nearly succeeded?" he said bitterly.
Ares stared into her face. Her beautiful, deceptive face. He had been on the receiving end of too many lies from her poisonous lips. This was all that he had left. Eve couldn't hurt him, he had worked that out. The only deaths that had occurred on Olympus had been when the gods had chased her, when they had feared her.
But Xena... she could hurt him. She had hurt him, constantly, day after day, year after year, since she had left him. But not this time. He was through with her. He was sick of all of the lies and deceit. That was his job! But he had never used her the way she had constantly used him, especially just lately.
Bitterness was eating him alive. He had commanded Livia...Eve...to kill Xena. At first, Ares had done it out of anger and frustration, but it scared him now, just how much he had become accustomed to the idea of letting Xena die, especially by the hand of her own daughter, a child that Ares had once contemplated taking away with Xena and live out their lives as a family.
But as he looked into Xena's eyes, he didn't see disgust, or anything like that, he saw pain, pain as deep as his own, but he had the feeling that she wasn't thinking about her daughter.
This pain was caused by him.
Only, Ares didn't relish in it. He wasn't happy about causing her the same pain that she had caused him, he wasn't proud of his little outburst and its effect on her.
"You shouldn't have done it, Ares..." she murmured. "You shouldn't have made my daughter into me ..."
Ares did the only thing that he could do. He fought back. "I didn't know that she was Eve! I didn't know that she was your daughter, Xena, I swear! I knew that I handled you all wrong before, and I swore to myself that if I ever had another chance with you, maybe in another lifetime, that I would do things differently, that I wouldn't deliberately hurt you, or try to control you!
"If I had known that Livia was Eve, then I never would have done to her what I did..." Ares hung his head.
"Then why are you hurting me now? Deliberately..." Her face was hard and unyielding.
Ares almost lost it totally. " Why??? After everything that you've put me through, you ask why??? Here's an example, Xena. Amphipolis!"
She raised an eyebrow. "Blackmail..."
"Okay..." he conceded. "There was that...how about when I offered to make you my Queen when that mob of villagers were about to kill you for killing their men???"
Xena glared at him. "You killed them in the first place to get me back!"
Ares glared right back. "Okay, so I don't do well with showing affection! So sue me! Why couldn't you just have admitted that you still loved me back then and at least have been civil?!?!"
"Well, why couldn't you?!?! " Xena yelled back. They were really getting into this.
"I'm a God!!! I'm not supposed to admit to that kind of crap!" he reasoned illogically.
Xena was rapidly becoming angrier. "Crap! So, love is crap now?!?! Well, fine!" she turned on her heel and stormed off.
"Xena!" Ares called her back. "I didn't mean it like that!"
She turned on him. "Then what, by the Gods, did you mean, Ares? Why can't you, for once, just tell me???"
"Because when I tell you, you never believe me..." the words were almost a whisper.
She admitted to herself that he was right. "Just tell me what you really want, Ares."
He sighed, "I just want us to be together, finally. I don't care about having a child to secure my immortality or anything like that. I just want a child...one that's ours. I figured that maybe, just maybe, you'd finally come back to me, even if it wasn't to wage war."
Xena was stunned. "You could have spared everyone so much, had you just told me that in the first place."
"Would you have believed me?" he asked incredulously.
She thought about it. "In the beginning, maybe. We were so close then, but things happened. You may think that I used you, Ares, but you made me feel used after I left. You didn't really expect me to just sit back and take it, did you?"
He just stood there. When he thought back to all of their run-ins, he realized just what he had said and done to her over the last five years. "What do you want, now?" he asked quietly.
She avoided his gaze. "To get my daughter back."
"Is that all?"
She shook her head. "No, but it will have to do, for now, because until I get her back and make sure she stays safe...and alive, I'm not going to be thinking about anything else."
Ares nodded. In other words, they'd get around to talking more about them when...not if...she got Eve back. Maybe this was the break in their relationship that they had needed.
"Do you need any help?" he asked, hoping that she'd say yes. Maybe he hadn't done too much damage, that Livia had permanently taken over Eve, he could do his part by subtly hinting that Ares' previous accusations about her mother had been wrong...
Xena regarded him strangely, then she gave him a tiny smile. It was more than he had dared hope for. "Yeah."
The End