Violence/Sex/Profanity: Yes, nothing explicit though. PG
Dedication: To Delenn, Sara, Jo, and Barb.
Author’s Note: This is a sequel to "The Things We Do…The Mistakes We Make", but it’s not really vital that you read that first. However, I do suggest you do. Also, this story is based around what *I* think should have happened in Sacrifice, the episode that Ares majorly screwed up in…
The Destiny We Shape
By Illyandria
Xena sat by the small campfire, holding her hands near to it, so it may warm them.
She was stranded for the moment. Stranded on a deserted island as it seemed. Earlier that morning, she had been sailing with a crew of three, trying to reach Alexandria, Egypt. They’d set out from Sparta, and had wrecked during a storm. The other members of the crew had been thrown off and killed. She’d swam to the nearest island and headed inland, looking for any signs of life. After combing the island and deciding that this was an uninhabited land, she made a campfire in a large valley where a spring ran through.
And here she was. Nothing to sleep on but the hard ground. Nothing to warm her but the small fire and her usual attire.
She sighed. Tomorrow morning she would begin to construct a new ship from the trees of the island. But tonight she would get a good sleep.
~*~
Images sped through her mind. Images of all of them. Those she loved…those she hated. And then—
There she was. Standing in the valley. It was midnight, the crescent moon glowing mysteriously on the cobalt sky. She turned to look around, perplexed.
Suddenly, she heard laughing. She walked over to where she thought the sound was coming from…from the trees. She stopped at the edge of the forest, and stared.
She was sitting there. Well, more like herself when she was fifteen. One hand was pressing against her side, and the other…was around a man’s neck.
Ares’ neck.
This was the night she lost her innocence. This was the night. Earlier that day had been the battle with Cortese. Lyceus had died. Her village had outcast her. And she’d ran away. She’d ran to the woods, angry at herself.
Her hand was pressing against her side because there was a wound there. She had been ready to kill herself but Ares had stopped the sword from going into her heart…it had instead grazed her side.
And now they were laughing. But the mood was soon to get much more serious.
Xena closed her eyes. I must still be dreaming.
Opening her eyes, she found she was somewhere else. Ares’ palace on Mount Olympus. Ares’ bedroom in his palace on Mount Olympus.
As soon as she took one step and her bare foot hit something soft and silky, she knew what she was about to see.
Oh gods… Not this… Not this night…
She looked down. The petal of a red rose caressed the bottom of her foot. Hundreds littered the floor. Walking towards the doorway, she looked into it.
There she was, laying on the bed, Ares propped up next to her.
Xena moved from the doorway quickly, not wanting to see this.
As he whispered, "Happy anniversary," to the woman next to him, she knew that her sacred chakram appeared in his hands at that moment. She heard her younger self laugh a little and thank him. It didn’t help not watching them, as she could picture it perfectly in her mind. He pulled her into a kiss. As she broke it off for a moment she giggled a little, and then went back for more. The kiss got more serious and deep, until finally their clothes were gone…
"NO! I do *not* want to hear this!" Xena yelled out, the sound of their throaty moans filling her ears.
She closed her eyes.
Now the scene had gone to her pirate ship. She was dressed in that sexy red dress from Stegira trying to seduce Caesar.
"And I bet you know a lot about conquest."
"Oh yes…I love it. Pursuing the enemy… Breaking down his defenses… Cutting off his only path of retreat… And then closing for the kill."
"Some enemies are…harder…than others…"
"Oh I count on it."
Xena closed her eyes again.
The beach now. Her younger self was hanging from the cross. As the scream of agony ripped through the air she closed her eyes again.
An army’s camp now. A tent was in front of her, candle light flickering from inside of it. Two silhouettes were outlined.
She stepped towards it cautiously. Lifting her hand, she carefully moved a flap of the tent, peering inside.
She gasped.
It was Borias…and her.
She tried to stop the racing of her heart and listened.
"Xena, this is insane! We have more than just us to think about! We have a child now!" Borias said to the woman.
She turned sharply to look at him. "Leave the child out of this! It is of no consequence! We have a job to do! We have control to maintain; we have cities to conquer!"
Borias grabbed the upper part of her arm, pulling her roughly to him. His hands going to the sides of her face he murmured to her, "Xena, you are acting ridiculous. Alti - that bitch - has brainwashed you! Xena, love, what has happened to you?" He pressed his lips against hers.
She pulled away. "Motherhood has made me harder," she said sarcastically.
Xena closed her eyes, allowing the flap of the tent to fall back into place.
She was inside Petracles’s tent now, telling him that she had the other clues…and he had to come with her.
"Oh gods," Xena muttered, closing her eyes again. "Is this going to stop?"
Now she and Gabrielle were kneeling beside a dying Petracles. He handed her the small pouch.
She didn’t close her eyes yet, but moved closer, a tear rolling down her cheek.
The younger Xena opened the pouch, the bracelet falling into her hands.
"My wedding bracelet," she said.
Xena nodded sadly. "My wedding bracelet…" she whispered, and closed her eyes.
Next was Autolycus. And then Callisto. And then so many more.
Finally, though, she worked her way to the recent encounters with Ares.
She saw herself just a few weeks ago. She and Ares were lying in the bedroom…laughing drunkenly…and then they kissed.
She watched in silence as their clothes disappeared. As they proceeded with their ministrations, Xena sat down weakly on the chair beside the dresser.
"Why was I so angry with him? He was right…I did want it to happen. I wanted him… I think it’s time to accept the fact that…he’s going to be in my life…we aren’t enemies…" She closed her eyes.
Now she was walking away from him, and he was just standing there. She closed her eyes again.
Images started flashing through her mind. So many images.
She gasped.
She saw a vortex in front of Ares’ temple. Callisto came out. Four women dancing in front of a fire. A woman being sacrificed. Herself saving her. Callisto murdering a priest. Callisto talking to a…cocoon? Ares talking to her (Xena). Herself seemingly telling him no. Ares by the beach…a flame appearing like an explosion…a look of horror on Ares’s face… Herself trying to kill the cocoon. Ares stopping her…taking the thing to the Halls of War. Ares talking to Gabrielle and the Fates. A woman coming out of the cocoon…a Gabrielle look-alike!
Xena took in a sharp breath.
Ares kissing the imposter.
Another sharp intake of breath.
Herself with Callisto. Ares protecting the imposter. Ares hit by Callisto. Herself trying to kill the imposter…Gabrielle stopping her…both her and the imposter falling down into lava!
Xena opened her eyes to find herself back in the valley, but it was dawn now. She pinched herself to make sure she was awake. Finding that she was, she sat up, crawling to lean against a boulder.
What the hell had just happened? What was all of that? Just a dream?
She closed her eyes and swallowed, hoping that it was. Ares…he’d betrayed her by the looks of it…and Gabrielle lost her life. She prayed it was a dream. A nightmare.
Uneasiness settled over her. What if that was what was yet to come? Ares somehow played a key role in this…
As if on cue, Ares appeared beside her, his eyes taking in the sight of her pale face and fatigued look. He kneeled beside her quickly, alarm coming over his features.
"Xena? Sweetheart, what’s wrong? I felt something…I felt your…fear…or something. What happened?" he asked, a hand running through her disordered hair.
She looked up at him, anger in her eyes. "Just get away from me," she spat out.
He looked dumbfounded, cocking his head to one side questioningly. "Xena, what’s wrong? What did I do?" His eyes finally drifted from hers, surveying the land around them. His eyebrows rose, as he took in a quick breath. "Um…Xena…do you know where you are?" He bit his top lip for a moment. "This is the Valley of Vision… I think I know what’s bothering you now…"
"Exactly. You bastard, I know what’s going to happen soon. I saw it! You were kissing some imposter, and you betrayed me! Gabrielle died because of what you’re going to do!"
He frowned, moving to sit beside her against the boulder.
She lowered her head. "You were…kissing a Gabrielle look alike," she growled. "And you were protecting her. She was evil, Ares! I could tell! And then…then…Callisto downed you for the moment and I moved to kill the imposter…and…Gabrielle…she pushed to woman out of the way and they fell down into a lava pit…" She looked up at him. "Ares…Ares…how could you? How could you *ever* do that to me? Why? You protected that witch and Gabrielle died because of it! And you hurt me!"
Ares looked past her for a moment, eyes unable to meet hers. He wet his lips. "Xena…" he shook his head, "I don’t know… I don’t know why I’d ever…" He looked back to her finally, confusion on his features. "Xena, I’d *never* do that!"
She shrugged slightly. "But, Ares, then again you *did* have a nice bout of sex with Callisto when she was in my body… You’d be able to do something like this, wouldn’t you? Now that I think about it…you might…"
Ares let go of her, a look of disbelief on his features. He stood up, anger in his movements.
"Don’t even bring that up, Xena!" he said, not quite yelling but near to it. "That was a *stupid* move on my part. But, Xena, I was *desperate*! Do you have *any* idea how long it had been since I’d been with a woman?! After you left, I wouldn’t even go near my priestesses! Those women were sickening me! I *needed* somebody, Xena! And Callisto…well, I was angry with you too, you know?! You’re a frustrating woman, my dear! I was mad about our last encounter!"
"*You* were mad?!" Xena shouted, standing up as well. "What did *you* have to be mad about?! Ares, you were…you…deceived me… I…really thought that… Ares, you were going to *kill* me!" Angry tears formed at the corners of her eyes. When he just stood there, looking at her, she turned her head away. "Ares, I really don’t…understand…" she swallowed hard, "what I see in you." She looked back up at him. "After everything you’ve done to me…I don’t see why I even give a damn about you anymore…"
"Ha! Like you haven’t done anything to *me* in the past! Like you weren’t a bitch to me when I came to try to talk to you!" Ares shouted at her. "No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, you’d always get pissed at me for no good reason! You’d never let me get away with anything, and you’d *never* listen to me! Why do I ever give a damn about *you* anymore?! I think that’s the real question!"
"At least I don’t betray the person I once claimed to love!"
"You’re saying you’ve never betrayed me?! When you left me, that was a betrayal of your oath! The one you took when you were my chosen! And might I just inform you that you no longer are? And I think every time you curse my name it’s a betrayal of what we once had!"
"You’ve done more to me than I have *ever* done to you! You framed me for killing villagers, you masqueraded to be my father, you switched Callisto into my body, you had the Furies drive me mad, you let that idiot Agathon try to kill me! When I was a warlord, and when we were lovers, you were *never* faithful. Just disguising myself to go around town I could see that! Every woman in a town nearby had some story about the mighty god of war to share with everybody! You fucked every woman in sight, even though you –"
The back of Ares’s hand connected with her jaw, and she fell to the ground, not expecting it. She stared up at him, her eyes reflecting the pain she felt. That was the first time he had ever struck her outside of battle.
Ares stood there, not able to believe he had just hit her. He wanted to kneel down beside her and apologize a thousand times, but his pride would not allow it. Instead, he just stood, looking down at her silently.
She flexed her jaw for a moment, and winced as the pain shot through it. She jumped to her feet, anger in her eyes. Without warning, she punched him in the face.
He wasn’t expecting it, but he moved to avoid her next punch as she swung at him again. Before he had a chance to move again, though, her knee had effectively connected with his crotch, and he doubled over, giving her the perfect chance to kick him in the head, and then foot sweep him to the ground.
She stood above him as he bit his bottom lip in pain. "You *ever* hit me again, Ares, you won’t live to regret it." Her voice cracked at the end, and she turned away. "You’ve crossed the line. It’s over. Leave."
He looked up at her from the ground, but was not able to see her face. He stood up, and as much as it hurt, he disappeared in a flash of blue light.
Xena just stood there. No, she wouldn’t cry. She’d lost the one man that she knew would do almost anything for her. And he’d said that she was no longer his chosen. Then so be it. She would not cry though. She’d lost him who she loved, but she did not lose her pride.
~*~
Later that night, Ares was watching her through his portal. He tried not to think of her when going through the battle pans, he tried not to think of her when he went to his palace and saw statue after statue of her there, and he tried not to think about her when he went to bed that night, the same bed that he had given her the chakram in. But finally he couldn’t stand it anymore, and he opened a portal to show him what she was doing.
She was at the same camp, sleeping in her bedroll. There was a large bruise where he’d hit her that morning.
"Oh gods…" Ares murmured. "I can’t believe I did that…"
He waved his hand, and she appeared in a tavern in Alexandria, where he knew she was headed. With another wave of his hand, a fire started in the room’s hearth, a pouch of money appeared on her bedside table, and her leathers appeared on her dresser.
~*~
Xena awoke in a warm bed. A fire was going in the hearth. She sat up, uneasy. Where was she?
Looking around, she found her leathers and armor on the dresser. She walked over to retrieve them, and glanced up into the mirror. An ugly black and blue bruise covered her jaw where he’d struck her. Xena’s fingers carefully grazed it, still unable to believe he’d done that to her. But, if she was where she thought she was, he was probably trying to tell her he was sorry.
She slipped her leathers on, grabbed the pouch of money she’d found on the table, and left the room. The tavern keeper was busy at the moment, so she just laid six dinars on the bar. Turning around, she looked for someone who seemed civil enough to ask a few questions.
Xena saw a young boy leaning against a wall. He ran his fingers through his short brown hair, looking tired. Walking over to him, she knelt down beside the child. "Hi," she said. "Could you tell me which town this is?"
He regarded her for a moment with watchful green eyes. "Alexandria," he said, after a moment.
Xena smiled at him. "Thanks. What’s your name, kid?"
"Jared."
"Well, thank you, Jared. Here," she tossed him a dinar.
"Thanks, Miss!" Jared said, catching the money in his small hands. He waved to her as she left the tavern.
~*~
Xena silently made her way down the deserted street. Earlier that day she had met with Gabrielle in Naucratis, a town about fifty miles away from Alexandria. This was a free town, where people could worship which gods they believed in. They weren’t restricted to just the Egyptians. And a couple hours ago, Xena had spotted a temple dedicated to Ares.
And that’s where she was headed now. She wasn’t sure why, but something in her just screamed for her to talk to him.
At long last, she made it to the temple doors. Gripping the handles tightly in her hands, and taking one last look at the silvery moon, she opened the doors and stepped inside.
It was almost pitch black in the altar room, save the two torches on either side of the room. A large slab of marble stood in the middle, and offerings to the war god were scattered all about. She walked over to them and browsed through the gifts. Same old thing that they always left: dead animals, wine, weapons, and such. At least *she* had had the sense to sacrifice something memorable…
"Don’t even go there," she mused aloud, a wicked smile crossing her face.
Xena walked to the hallway to her left, and walked all the way down, to the room of the high priestess…*her* room…not that she ever used it much…
She closed the door as she stepped inside. With a fond look on her face, she looked around, taking in all of the familiar surroundings. Though she’d never been to this temple before, Ares had created it so that all of his temples were identical, and all of her personal things in her room, the high priestess’s room, were duplicated, should she ever come back.
Walking over to a walk-in wardrobe, she opened the doors and, biting her bottom lip, moved all of the clothes hanging in there aside, revealing the back of the wardrobe. Or, to be more specific, the entrance to a secret room…Ares’ bedroom.
She tugged on the handles, and, to her surprise, they opened easily. She walked in, a little perplexed. Carefully making her way around the room, her eyes took in something that made her heart stop.
There, covered by the black silk sheets, laid a slender woman with long brown hair.
Xena froze in her tracks, breath catching in her throat. She stared at the woman for a moment, eyes wide with bewilderment. Soon, tears started to come, and she blinked, feeling the wetness in her eyelashes. She turned, running blindly for the door and –
And ran straight into Him.
She looked up for a moment, and then back down at the floor, unwilling to let him see her tears. She tried to sidestep him, but he too moved, his hands grasping her upper arms tightly. He looked down, trying to see her eyes, but finding that a lost cause, forced her chin up with his hand.
Her head jerked away from him at first, as if he’d burned her.
He almost let her go, understanding the reason behind the small movement. His hand went down again, this time gently taking her chin in it, avoiding touching the large bruise.
As her eyes came up to meet his, she breathed deeply, trying to calm her heart and disguise what she felt. But in that she did not succeed.
As soon as her eyes met his, she roughly tore away from him, trying to get away.
He grabbed her arms again. "Xena! Stop it! This isn’t what it looks like!" He pushed her up against the wall and pinned her there.
She let out an angry breath. "See…didn’t I tell you?" She paused, the words about to be spoken by her ripping through her heart. "See…you do screw every woman you see…"
His eyes burned with anger for a moment, but then it cooled, even though his grip on her arms tightened so much that she almost yelled. "I told you I can explain! This woman is the wife of the king, Xena! She’s hiding out here, because they think that their enemies have stolen or killed her child and she doesn’t want to be next! I didn’t sleep with her, Xena! I don’t love *her*!"
"That never stopped you before," Xena shot back, even though she realized her conclusion was extremely wrong.
"Nor you!"
"I did it for the good of the army!"
"And that makes it less sickening?"
She closed her eyes and shook her head, unwilling to return the repartee.
He stood their silently also, not sure what to say.
Finally, she broke the silence. "You can let me go now…"
He moved back quickly as she spoke the words, seeming to just realize that his hands were still on her arms. He ran a hand through his short hair, uncomfortable. "Uh…so…what are you doing here anyway?"
"I came to talk to you…"
"Oh," he said, nodding shortly. "I’m here. Talk."
She stayed silent.
Ares looked at her. "Well?"
"I’m not sure what to say," she said, fingers toying with her chakram, fidgeting. "Um…what’s the woman’s name?"
"Karana," Ares replied. "She’s the wife of Carsuvinius, ruler of this place. Her child was kidnapped a few days ago. We believe that he’s now dead. She came here in hiding. I didn’t think that you’d mind her sleeping in here…since you’ve only been here this one time and aren’t likely to come back…"
"No. No, I don’t mind. I just…when I saw her…I thought that…" Xena shrugged, embarrassed.
Silence ensued once more, but Ares was the one to break it this time. "I…uh…can’t ever ask you to forgive me for what I did… I don’t deserve to be forgiven. But…by the gods, Xena…I am sorry. With my whole being I’m sorry. That’s the first time I’ve ever… You’ve driven me to the point of starting a fight with your smart mouth, but I’ve never…ever…flat out hit you before. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…"
Xena walked over to him, stopping to stand right in front of him. She lifted her head to meet his descending lips.
However, before they could kiss, a moan was heard from the bed. Both turned to see Karana waking.
Ares sighed, irritated at the woman for interrupting them.
When Karana was able to focus her eyes, she looked up at the warrior with wide eyes.
"Don’t worry," Xena said. "My name is Xena. I’m not here to harm you."
The woman breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank the gods. I thought you might have been the one that kidnapped my son…"
"No, I didn’t do that. What does your son look like, Karana? Perhaps I can help you find him?"
"He’s seven years old, with brown hair and green eyes," Kanara replied.
"And what’s his name?" Xena asked.
"Jared."
Xena pursed her lips for a moment, an image creeping into her mind. Finally, she placed it.
"Your son is in Alexandria, Kanara," Xena said.
Kanara gasped. "What? How do you know that? Did you see him?"
"He was at a tavern that I was staying at."
"Oh gods, thank you! Please, Lord Ares, could you go and find him for me? I beg of you, My Lord!"
Ares nodded. "Xena and I will go find him, Kanara."
"Oh thank you! Thank you!"
Before Xena could voice her opinion, Ares grabbed her wrist and they appeared in the same tavern he had left her at before.
"Let’s find him," Ares said, and they began to search the place.
It did not take long to find the small boy. He was out by the stables, talking to the horses owned by the current occupants of the taverm. Ares was about to enter the stables, when Xena pulled him back.
"Let me talk to him," Xena said.
Ares nodded, and she silently made her way to the young boy. "Jared?" she asked softly.
The boy jumped, startled, and turned to her.
"Do you remember me, Jared?"
He looked her over carefully, and then a smile brightened his face. "Yeah, I know you! You’re the one who gave the me dinar! What are you doing here? I though you left?"
"I’m here to take you home."
He backed away from her suddenly, waving his hands in front of him. "I’m not going back there!" Jared declared.
Xena crossed her arms over her chest. "Why don’t you want to go home?"
"My parents don’t care about me! They never even talk to me! All day I have these stupid tutors, and mommy and daddy *never* talk to me! Don’t make me go back there!"
"Your parents love you," Xena told him gently.
He shook his head, not believing her.
"Did you run away from home?" Xena asked him.
He nodded.
She walked over to him, uncrossing her arms, and kneeling down beside him. "Jared, I’ll make you a deal." She waited for him to nod in approval, and then continued, "When I take you home, if I can’t convince you that your parents love you, then I’ll bring you back here. Deal?"
He thought for a moment. "Deal."
Xena smiled at him. "Alright then. Come with me."
She held her hand out to him, and he took it.
"What’s your name?" he asked.
"Xena."
"Xena. That’s a pretty name. I like it," Jared said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.
She smiled. The sweetness of youth. Every other person she had ever introduced herself to had run in fear or gotten angry. But this child didn’t know her past. All he knew was that she was a woman, warrior by looks, who liked to help people. Xena smiled again, and led Jared out of the stables.
When Jared saw Ares standing outside his cute smile faded, and he wretched his hand from Xena’s.
"Jared, what is it?" Xena asked.
"It’s *him*!" Jared screamed. "*He’s* the reason that my parents are never there! He’s the reason! They spend all day worshipping him!" He turned from them and started to run.
Ares looked down at the ground, a look of shame on his handsome features. He looked over at Xena, and then she turned away, running after the child.
When she caught up with him, she grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop.
He looked up at her, breathing heavily. "I thought you were my friend!" he accused.
"I am your friend. Jared, Ares isn’t the bad guy. Nobody is the bad guy this time. Ares didn’t realize what was going on, and your parents didn’t realize how you felt. I’m sure that if you had said something, they would have done something about how you felt. They love you, Jared. Ares won’t stand between them and you, okay?"
Jared looked down at his sandals for a moment, and then back up at her, nodding. "Alright," he whispered.
Xena placed a hand on his shoulder and led him back to Ares.
Ares took her hand in his, and then Jared’s. "Let’s take you back to your mom, okay?"
Jared nodded, and they disappeared.
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