Author’s Notes:
This is just a short little piece to help me get back into the swing of things. I’ve run into some computer problems, and therefore, have not had access to my Xena fics. So, instead of going back into the sequel and my other Xena projects, I decided to let this one fly and see where it takes me. Sort of like a warm up before the workout, ya know?
WARNING: This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. It is nothing like War-bitten Apple. In fact, it really isn’t up to par, but read it if you’re looking for a few laughs. But I will say that I wasn’t very descriptive in this… so… read at your own risk.
Ok… Background information: This takes place between War-bitten Apple and the sequel to War-bitten Apple. It probably will make a hell of a lot more sense if you go and read that first.
This is also to keep those of you who want a sequel from going over the edge. I want to get that sequel out sometime before the next millennium, really, I do. It’s just that I want it to be good—not some slap-dash thing just to satisfy the need for a sequel. So it’s taking awhile.
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the Warrior Princess. Never have, never will. The same goes for all her pals, including, but not exclusive to, Ares, Gabrielle, Cyrene and Eve. Then again, I don’t really want Gabs, so it works out fine for me. I do own, however, the ambitious Mackenzie—or Mak, as most of you know her—and plan on keeping her for quite some time.
But alas, there are some of you who’d like nothing more for me to shut up and let the story come in. So here goes.
For Lack of a Sword
By Serenity Sea
High up on Mount Olympus, the Goddess of War was watching her slumbering ward through a small mirror-like portal, a perk that was often used by other fellow gods. Mackenzie was sleeping deeply, unaware that her other guardian was about to wake her in a very un-godly manner. The past few months of training had tired her more than she knew, and she treasured every moment of sleep she got. Sensing nothing wrong with her charge, Xena closed the portal… just as Ares appeared in Mak’s room.
And he had plans for her.
***
The God of War was not, by most standards, the most forgiving God of all. In fact, many agreed that he tended to hold a grudge. And he found ways of getting back at that person by tormenting them for the rest of their life. Actually, that last bit only applied to Xena, but the rest was all true.
And considering that Mackenzie had hidden his treasured sword, she was the next victim of his methods.
Carefully making sure that Xena had finished her vigil over her, and that her attention was otherwise distracted, he made a bucket of ice cold water appear in his hand. Hefting it easily over his shoulder, he was all but ready to toss it on the unsuspecting girl…
***
Something was not right. Ares wasn’t on Olympus. He wasn’t in any of his temples. In fact, he wasn’t in any of the usual places. Fed up with her partner, Xena decided to check in on Mackenzie one more time. I’m probably just being paranoid. Nevertheless, she appeared in Mak’s room in seconds, and took in the scene at hand.
Good. She’s still sleeping. Oh, and look, there’s Ares, holding something for her. He’s so good at training her. I’m sure I did the right thing by asking him to help me in that area. See? No reason to be worried. …Wait. Is that a bucket leaning over Mak’s head? A bucket full of water? He’s gonna get it…
With reflexes that had earned her name of Warrior Princess, she was over at Mackenzie’s bedside, and yanked an unsuspecting Ares off balance… which made that water intended for the teenager… land on the Goddess of War.
“Ares…" She hissed under her breath.
The mischievous God of War looked at Xena in a mix of anger, exasperation, and—fear. He knew what she was capable of—after all, he himself had taught her—and knew that it was directed at him.
“Sugar, forgive me, but I really have to run." Ares said, rapidly disappearing.
“Yeah… you better run." She whispered menacingly, before she too, vanished.
At this time, Mackenzie stirred in her sleep and opened her eyes to see the blue and purple sparkles settle to the floor. Without even realizing what she was saying, she dozed back off, muttering, “Great. Mom and Dad are having another fight."
***
Somehow, Xena had tracked him to some place in the arctic. He was sure that he’d covered all his paths, but apparently not, for here she was, standing in front of him, looking every inch the Goddess of War that she was.
“Ares… you went too far back there. What exactly were you planning on doing?"
“Oh, just paying her back for a dirty trick she’s playing on me." He answered casually, not wanting to let her know that his sword was gone.
“Dirty trick, huh? Sounds like something she learned from you. You are, after all, the more deceitful of the two of us." She unsheathed her sword from some unknown place, because her Goddess form didn’t leave much room for anything extra of any sort—skin tight leather can be tricky like that. “How about a little sword-fight, Ares? Are you up for it?"
Instinctively, Ares’ hand reached to the scabbard at his waist. His dark-brown eyes still locked on hers, he fumbled for his sword. Finally he had to look to down to realize that his powerful sword was still MIA. Ares looked up to see Xena’s lips quivering with repressed laughter, and it dawned on him.
“You!" He said. “You took my sword, not Mak. It was you all along." Suddenly, he realized exactly what that meant and grew angry. “That’s why you’ve been winning all the battles lately. Why you’ve had the upper hand in everything you do. Why you… why, I oughta kill you…" Ares trailed off at this point, realizing he had to take her down in order to get his sword back.
He lunged at her, but she’d been ready and dodged effortlessly to the right. He managed to catch himself before just going over the edge into the same water he had intended to throw on Mackenzie. Ares turned back around to see her hovering in a sitting position on top of the mountain in front of him.
Xena stood at the top and yelled down at him. “Not so easy without your sword, now is it, Ares?" She could feel the heat from his glare. “You want it?" He nodded shortly. “Then come and catch it."
She dissolved.
Ares screamed to the empty, frozen land. Then, he left to chase her down.
***
Xena was panting. He’d almost caught her trail in the ether. Mount Olympus wasn’t safe. Neither were any of her temples. Nor any of his. She stepped out of the ether just in time to safely leave without getting whip-lash.
And now she was sweating.
“Where am I?" Xena wondered aloud.
“The second-deepest pocket of Hell." A dead soldier, also sweating, helpfully offered.
“Only the second-deepest?" She asked, sounding disappointed. “What’s the first?"
The man leaned over to her conspiratorially. “They say it’s where they keep the Warrior Princess locked up."
Xena laughed. “Don’t you know who I am?" She asked the man, before she left for deeper depths of Hell.
The man also laughed, his laughter sounding suspiciously healthy and strong for a dead man. It also sounded like a certain God of War. Slowly, the dead-soldier’s disguise liquefied and revealed that of Ares. “But of course, Xena. Of course I know who you are."
***
When Mackenzie woke up, it was late. Far later than she was used to. Checking out the small sundial on her nightstand, she gasped. It was past 10 AM. Usually, Ares or Xena was here to pick her up for a light breakfast and then to training. Obviously, they hadn’t come this morning. She didn’t remember either of them telling her that she’d have the day off—there were no outstanding wars to plan or anything.
Knowing who would know where they were—if anyone knew where they were—she called the messenger of the gods. “Hermes!"
The fast, winged courier of the remaining Olympians smiled when he saw Mackenzie. “Mak—what can I do for you? I’m off in a few seconds, so make it quick." Hermes ordered gently.
“Have you seen either Xena or Ares this morning?" She asked, wasting no time on preamble.
Hermes scratched his head. “Ya know, I could have sworn that I just saw them in the ether before."
The violet-eyed teenager rolled her eyes. “Before when, Hermes? Before is a long time to us mortals." She reminded the somewhat absorbed God.
He smiled. “You’re right. I saw them earlier this morning in Hell. I was delivering a message from Demeter to Hades. Ohh… that was a nasty one." Hermes looked back to the contemplative girl.
“All right. You know what? If it was anyone else in Hades, I think I’d freak. But this is Ares and Xena we’re talking about here, so I don’t think I’m gonna worry." She stopped her spoken analysis and smiled brilliantly at Hermes. “Thanks for your help—but I think Aphrodite’s gonna want that message about her new masseuse."
Hermes blinked and nodded. “You’re right. See ya, Mak—and I’ll let you know if I see them later, ok?"
But, as usual, before she could agree, he was gone faster than she could blink. He was, after all, the messenger of the Gods.
***
Xena stood unhappily in the deepest pit of Hell. She was hot. She was sweating. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, she couldn’t get out. There was something wrong with her ability to teleport.
“No, Xe—there’s nothing wrong with your teleporting. I’ve just trapped you, is all." Ares started to pace the length of the invisible cage that she was locked in. “You can’t get out of there with your powers unless I allow you to. Wonderful new toy, isn’t it? I originally had Hephaestus make it for my jerk half brother, Hercules. But since he never got around to using it, I decided to try out its effectiveness on you." He stopped pacing. “Doesn’t that helpless feeling just rock?"
Xena laughed. “You’re kidding me, right? I mean, there’s no way you could trap me in something like this. You must realize that no matter what your plan is; I foil it. No matter where your traps are; I find them. And no matter how hard you play; I win."
The leather-clad god just smirked. “And yet, you didn’t find this trap until it was too late, now did you, Xena? Looks like I have the upper hand now." He stroked his chin, deep in thought. “Now. What do you have that I would take in exchange for your freedom… oh that’s right—you have my sword."
The Goddess of War, however, was looking at her partner in crime closely. Very closely, in fact. Too close for Ares’ standards.
“See something you like?" He asked.
This time it was she who smirked. “Oh yes." He grinned and was about to come over to the cage, but she held up a hand for him to stop.
“You see, by looking at the bars this way, I have come to the conclusion that the metal is the weakest right here," she indicated a point on the bar in front of her. “And that I should take a chakram, like so," Xena readied her weapon of choice, “and let it fly like this," she let it fly and it flung around the cage haphazardly, making her duck to avoid the deadly ricocheting implement of war. When it had finished, there appeared to be no damage to the cage.
Ares couldn’t hold back his smile this time. “See, dear—you have to give me the sword—otherwise you’ll be locked in there forever."
And then, the most surprising thing happened.
All the bars collapsed in the exact location that the chakram had hit them.
And faster than Ares could even blink—which was quite fast for a God—Xena had stepped out of the cage and vanished, once more.
“This is so not happening, right? Tell me this is all just a bad dream. Everyone’s favorite dream god is about to get the visit of his life." And so, instead of chasing his leading lady, the God of War paid a visit to the dream god.
***
Ares arrived in the dreamland, very determined, and very, very pissed. While the dream god was looking over a nightmare he’d sent to a very nasty king, the God of War yanked him from the cauldron of dreams and pushed him up against the wall.
They proceeded to have a nice little chat that I am unable to reprint here; it was very colorfully worded by Ares, who was becoming more and more upset at his lack of sword.
“For the last time, Ares, I have done nothing to your dreams. You’re fully awake right now, as it is. But may I suggest that you find that sword—and fast—because you know what happened the last time it disappeared." Morpheus insisted.
“Then why am I still a God?"
A burst of purple sparkles, and Xena arrived, hefting the sword, testing its weight. “Maybe because another form of War has taken it—one you might just trust; instead of someone like, say, Athena."
Whether the God of War’s eyes softened at the sight of his former lover or his sword, neither Morpheus or Xena was sure. But as soon as he snatched the sword from her and performed some nifty tricks with it, both felt a balance that hadn’t been there before.
Ares grinned. “There now—that’s better."
And yet, Xena wasn’t about to give in so easily. “Are you sure you have everything, Ares?"
“Of course I have everything. What else could I be missing?" He looked at her as if she was mad.
Xena paced the misty floor of the dreamland casually, as if she hadn’t a care in the world. She was twirling something small and silvery on her finger. “Oh I don’t know… maybe just your earring?"
The God of War reached up to his ear and felt for his cherished miniature sword earring. It was a smaller version of the one at his waist and when he realized that it wasn’t there, he knew she meant what she’d said.
“XENAAAAA!" He roared, all the dreams around him shaking with his raging energy. Ares whirled around to find her gone. “Of course. She couldn’t just stay in one spot."
‘That would be too easy, Ares. You always said you liked a challenge. Now come find me…’ Xena’s voice reverberated in his mind.
***
After she’d gotten dressed, Mackenzie proceeded to walk around her room, distractedly looking for something. She reached under her pillow and withdrew a small silver earring that she recognized as Ares’.
“Oh boy. Xena must have just stuck this under there. Well, better that than sleeping on Ares’ sword. That is so not comfortable."
*** ***
*~*Epilogue*~*
As the sun shone above them, shielded by the dense forest over them, Mackenzie was in the middle of a sword fight—defensive—when Xena showed up, demanding that Ares return her precious chakram.
“Where is it? Where the hell is it, Ares, I know you have it!" The words flew out of her mouth even before she fully materialized.
Ares turned a playful, charming grin on her. “What are you talking about?"
“My chakram." She bit out, as if having trouble forming the words. “This is the 3rd time this month! Hand it over and nobody gets hurt."
He thought for a moment. “Does this ‘hurting’ involve fighting of any sort?" He paced the length of the forest floor they were practicing in. “Because if it does, I’m all up for that."
She said nothing, but continued to glare at some undefined point on his face.
“Ok, ok. I admit it—I took your chakram. It’s right here." The ring appeared in his hand. “And yeah, that time you thought Meneka had it, and you stormed his army for it and threatened him like hell for it—I had it then, too. In fact, I’ve had it every time this month. How does that make you feel?" He asked, watching the way her blood boiled.
Xena looked at Mackenzie. “Mak, would you excuse us, please?"
The auburn-haired teenager smiled to herself and walked over to the small river that bordered the forest. She took off everything but her shift and piled it neatly by a tree. As she submerged her head of curls, she heard Xena’s roar of fury.
“YOU SON OF A—!!!"
***
Please e-mail the author of this story with your comments. serenity_sea@yahoo.com