Sex: No
Violence: No, well not really.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Ares, Xena, Gabrielle (irritating blonde), or Joxer (warrior wannabe). I do own the interviewer. Please don’t sue I have no money. Feedback welcome, good or bad, hopefully good. Read my interview with Gabby and Joxer first.
Life, Love and Annoying Blonde Sidekicks- An interview with Ares God of War
By Tali
(Interviewer) Lisa: Good morning. This morning we get up close and personal with Ares God of War and talk about his much publicised affair the the Warrior Princess. Morning Ares.
Ares: Morning.
Lisa: Lets start by asking you what war means to you?
Ares: Well (pause) War means a lot of things. Passion, love, peace.
Lisa: Peace? What about death and destruction?
Ares: Oh that too. But without war there would be no peace.
Lisa: (gives Ares a strange look but continues) Have you started any recent wars?
Ares: A few minor ones here and there.
Lisa: Now, you and Xena had quite a publicised affair, is that over or not?
Ares: Firstly, you can’t really call it an affair. Neither of us was seeing anyone at the time. Xena is a great woman and I care very deeply for her, in some ways I know it will never be over. (Pauses for a second) I am not at liberty to say if anything is still going on. We’re friends, (under breath) with benefits.
Lisa: (Cough) Xena is a very skilled beautiful woman, what was it like the first time you saw her?
Ares: My heart stopped, literally. Had to have Apollo give me a jump-start. It was very embarrassing.
Lisa: It’s no secret you care for each other deeply, is marriage in the future?
Ares: I am not allowed to say, Warrior Princess’s orders. But all I know is she has been having some mighty strange dreams of late.
Lisa: Has Gabrielle been a large factor in your relationship?
Ares: The Irritating Blonde has just hooked up with that Bumbling Warrior Wannabe, So no. She’s too busy with him. But Xena’s mother, Cyrene got in the way the other day.
Lisa: The way of what?
Ares: Ah, nothing. (Quickly changes the subject) I told you about Gabrielle and Joxer didn’t I? Very cute, a little scary. Seems she got jealous of some other blonde chick and pounced on him the minute she got a chance.
Lisa: So that’s what she was doing, I thought she was trying to steal his belt.
Ares: Only happened yesterday, it was a secret. But I figure I can tell you since I may have told the editor of Warogue, (the leading war magazine in the known world) and he’ll be printing that soon enough anyway. I wouldn’t be surprised if Gabby is ready to hit me over the head with her staff when she hears I exposed her relationship.
Lisa: Good luck with that.
Ares: Normally I would keep my mouth shut for Xena’s sake but Gabrielle did something really evil to me the other day.
Lisa: What?
Ares: (Pause, ashamed and hurt look) She painted one of my temples yellow and hung up a few hundred saris to bug me.
Lisa: (smiles and gets a deadly look from Ares so quickly stops) That’s all we have time for. Thank you for joining us Ares.
Ares: It was my pleasure.
Lisa: That was the God of War on love, life and annoying blonde sidekicks. (Sighs, now there is a Warrior Princess to interview)
Please e-mail the author of this story with your comments. goddess_tali@yahoo.com.au